Tips and tricks- What might I be experiencing in the early stages of healing after the affair?
If you are the person who got cheated on, you’re likely hurting and then second -guessing yourself. You need to review, but not second guess.
This is how it will make life better for you- you will simply not second guess yourself. Yes, do the inventory, but not second guess. As you do that, you will find that your previous expectations were unrealistic.
Give your attention to what the experts say and see if it fits with your experience.
You might be furious, enraged, and terrified. Disappointed, disenchanted, discouraged, disillusioned? Sad, scared, lonely, angry, guilty, and plain hurting? Feel those feelings, all of them, until they naturally go away on their own. Avoid the feelings and they stay longer.
For an audio regarding feelings and relationships, try this:
https://archive.org/details/how-to-express-feelings-or-how-to-relate-for-relationships_202211
You may have all sorts of mixed feelings that are confusing and not enjoyable to feel.
Triggers
You might be avoiding triggers and reminders or doing something to distract yourself from feeling anything.
Remember that for some, this is a full trauma and disorients them. It doesn’t have to be, yet often it is.
Compulsive
You might find yourself compulsively cleaning and telling everyone or raging or collapsing on the couch. All within the day or the hour.
Maybe, you’re at the stage of having sex every day as if to prove, or recapture, something.
There are so many different ways to grieve this, to come to terms with it, to make sense of it. Some ways are more helpful than others.
Check out the concept of a state of the union each week to help prevent emotional disconnection. I made a few videos to help you with that and I have a link to a more in-depth set of questions in my previous blog. Thank you for joining me today and I look forward to spending more time together in the future. Let’s have good conversations about this so that we heal rather than hurt.
Thank you for subscribing,
Don Boice, LCSWR
“The go- to guy for conflict”
If you are the person who got cheated on, you’re likely hurting and then second -guessing yourself. You need to review, but not second guess.
This is how it will make life better for you- you will simply not second guess yourself. Yes, do the inventory, but not second guess. As you do that, you will find that your previous expectations were unrealistic.
Give your attention to what the experts say and see if it fits with your experience.
You might be furious, enraged, and terrified. Disappointed, disenchanted, discouraged, disillusioned? Sad, scared, lonely, angry, guilty, and plain hurting? Feel those feelings, all of them, until they naturally go away on their own. Avoid the feelings and they stay longer.
For an audio regarding feelings and relationships, try this:
https://archive.org/details/how-to-express-feelings-or-how-to-relate-for-relationships_202211
You may have all sorts of mixed feelings that are confusing and not enjoyable to feel.
Triggers
You might be avoiding triggers and reminders or doing something to distract yourself from feeling anything.
Remember that for some, this is a full trauma and disorients them. It doesn’t have to be, yet often it is.
Compulsive
You might find yourself compulsively cleaning and telling everyone or raging or collapsing on the couch. All within the day or the hour.
Maybe, you’re at the stage of having sex every day as if to prove, or recapture, something.
There are so many different ways to grieve this, to come to terms with it, to make sense of it. Some ways are more helpful than others.
Check out the concept of a state of the union each week to help prevent emotional disconnection. I made a few videos to help you with that and I have a link to a more in-depth set of questions in my previous blog. Thank you for joining me today and I look forward to spending more time together in the future. Let’s have good conversations about this so that we heal rather than hurt.
Thank you for subscribing,
Don Boice, LCSWR
“The go- to guy for conflict”
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