Top daily reminders for healing from the affair
It gets better, eventually. You stop thinking about it all the time, after a while. This is the hard part.
“You were always on my mind,” is from a song that was intended to be touching, not to be about rumination.
Overthinking
When we overthink, it is usually related to avoiding feelings.
If we feel, we tend to not overthink. Ruminating and obsessing are not good for you. Please stop yourself and figure out tools to cope.
Daily, remember to ask yourself:
How do I feel?
What do I need?
Want some practice with feelings? Listen to this audio for suggestions
https://archive.org/details/how-do-you-feel-practice-with-a-mirror-exercise
Challenge: Put those questions in your phone and prompt yourself. Contact your feelings if you want to recover faster and more thoroughly. Feel the feelings, witness them.
People who “Do feelings” are consistently going through them faster and move on with their life. Do you want to move on?
Narrative
What is the story I am telling myself about this event? (By the way, the event may be painful in and of itself. I am the author of the story about the event. If I am the author, I can change the narrative to make myself suffer even more. I can create a victim story and torment myself. That is an option that some people choose without even realizing that they did that to themselves.)
Radical acceptance- Not being okay with it but accepting that what happened is what happened.
You don’t have to make it worse. You really don’t have to. It is bad enough on its own and you do have the power to make it worse.
Most of us do that by mistake.
Thank you for joining me today and I look forward to spending more time together in the future. Let’s have good conversations about this so that we heal rather than hurt.
Thank you for subscribing,
Don Boice, LCSWR
The go- to guy for conflict
It gets better, eventually. You stop thinking about it all the time, after a while. This is the hard part.
“You were always on my mind,” is from a song that was intended to be touching, not to be about rumination.
Overthinking
When we overthink, it is usually related to avoiding feelings.
If we feel, we tend to not overthink. Ruminating and obsessing are not good for you. Please stop yourself and figure out tools to cope.
Daily, remember to ask yourself:
How do I feel?
What do I need?
Want some practice with feelings? Listen to this audio for suggestions
https://archive.org/details/how-do-you-feel-practice-with-a-mirror-exercise
Challenge: Put those questions in your phone and prompt yourself. Contact your feelings if you want to recover faster and more thoroughly. Feel the feelings, witness them.
People who “Do feelings” are consistently going through them faster and move on with their life. Do you want to move on?
Narrative
What is the story I am telling myself about this event? (By the way, the event may be painful in and of itself. I am the author of the story about the event. If I am the author, I can change the narrative to make myself suffer even more. I can create a victim story and torment myself. That is an option that some people choose without even realizing that they did that to themselves.)
Radical acceptance- Not being okay with it but accepting that what happened is what happened.
You don’t have to make it worse. You really don’t have to. It is bad enough on its own and you do have the power to make it worse.
Most of us do that by mistake.
Thank you for joining me today and I look forward to spending more time together in the future. Let’s have good conversations about this so that we heal rather than hurt.
Thank you for subscribing,
Don Boice, LCSWR
The go- to guy for conflict
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