Hopeful Phrases for Relationships
Quick background:
I work with couples all week and have for decades. I had a client think that I was referring to her and her partner in a blog post. I may have insulted her with my response that we all share the same basic issues. I might hear the same story with infinite variations. I apologize if I appear to be blogging about you. I am attempting to blog in a way that applies to many couples at the same time.
"My feelings were hurt and I need your help working through them. Could you help me?"
-I want closeness and connection with you. You have said you want the same. Can we talk about how to make that happen?
-I really like you and want to get to know you better. I have asked you questions to get to know you and I don’t think I’m doing it in a way that works for you.
-I would like us to have a couple signals or code words for conflict. Sometimes my brain shuts down and rather than say stupid things, I go silent. I see that as loving and helpful and want to signal that I’m thinking and will get back to you and that I simply need some time to process it before speaking. I’m not ignoring you or withholding love, I’m trying to figure out how to talk about it successfully. Can we have a code word for that situation?
-Sometimes, when our moods are off or we are not on the same page, I feel disappointed or discouraged. Those feelings last for about 20 minutes or so. To me, I know it will change and I still want to be in relationship. I still value the relationship and am willing to work on it, they are just feelings. On a report card, we still get an A and we simultaneously have room for improvement. Like a 97 and I want the 100.
-I want to please you when we are physically intimate and need your guidance to improve. Could you help me be more successful in giving you pleasure?
-I know that you are super busy and are trying to balance a bunch of priorities. Can we talk about how we can work together to maximize our time together?-I would like to move to the next level in relationship and know that takes work. Can we work together and brainstorm how to get there?
-I appreciate when we make decisions together, from scratch. That makes me feel close to you.
-You said something that has repeatedly been going through my head. Can you help me interpret it correctly?
-I want to address something that happened that might get in our way as friends. I’m not entirely sure how to say it without offending you or you feeling like I am accusing you. Can you help me set up a conversation about this-for success?
-Sometimes I wonder if you like me. Your words are reassuring. As humans, our actions don’t always line up with our words. We all have inconsistencies and integrity breaks and we can all have some hypocrisy. That’s just being human and it is inconvenient, not a dealbreaker. When I hear what you say and your actions appear contradictory, I get confused and sad and annoyed.
Quick background:
I work with couples all week and have for decades. I had a client think that I was referring to her and her partner in a blog post. I may have insulted her with my response that we all share the same basic issues. I might hear the same story with infinite variations. I apologize if I appear to be blogging about you. I am attempting to blog in a way that applies to many couples at the same time.
"My feelings were hurt and I need your help working through them. Could you help me?"
-I want closeness and connection with you. You have said you want the same. Can we talk about how to make that happen?
-I really like you and want to get to know you better. I have asked you questions to get to know you and I don’t think I’m doing it in a way that works for you.
-I would like us to have a couple signals or code words for conflict. Sometimes my brain shuts down and rather than say stupid things, I go silent. I see that as loving and helpful and want to signal that I’m thinking and will get back to you and that I simply need some time to process it before speaking. I’m not ignoring you or withholding love, I’m trying to figure out how to talk about it successfully. Can we have a code word for that situation?
-Sometimes, when our moods are off or we are not on the same page, I feel disappointed or discouraged. Those feelings last for about 20 minutes or so. To me, I know it will change and I still want to be in relationship. I still value the relationship and am willing to work on it, they are just feelings. On a report card, we still get an A and we simultaneously have room for improvement. Like a 97 and I want the 100.
-I want to please you when we are physically intimate and need your guidance to improve. Could you help me be more successful in giving you pleasure?
-I know that you are super busy and are trying to balance a bunch of priorities. Can we talk about how we can work together to maximize our time together?-I would like to move to the next level in relationship and know that takes work. Can we work together and brainstorm how to get there?
-I appreciate when we make decisions together, from scratch. That makes me feel close to you.
-You said something that has repeatedly been going through my head. Can you help me interpret it correctly?
-I want to address something that happened that might get in our way as friends. I’m not entirely sure how to say it without offending you or you feeling like I am accusing you. Can you help me set up a conversation about this-for success?
-Sometimes I wonder if you like me. Your words are reassuring. As humans, our actions don’t always line up with our words. We all have inconsistencies and integrity breaks and we can all have some hypocrisy. That’s just being human and it is inconvenient, not a dealbreaker. When I hear what you say and your actions appear contradictory, I get confused and sad and annoyed.
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