Cognitive Approach
“But, It doesn’t make sense to me”
Our brain desperately wants it to make sense.
Feelings might get you there faster. Listen to this audio if you want some hints
https://archive.org/details/feel-the-pain-and-be-gentle-with-self
“It has to make sense”
We impose logic on situations that have no logic sometimes. Like an affair makes zero sense. Everyone involved gets hurt, damage is done and the illusion gets shattered. No one wins.
Make sense of that!
If people could see what they are doing and that they are chasing an illusion, they would stop and choose a better option. They would promptly tell their partner that something is bothering them and sit down and make it better. Or they would tell their partner that they want to be done and then go looking.
Obviously, not every affair is exactly the same, but many of the patterns overlap.
Deep down, many of us believe that if we could just figure it out, we’d be okay.
Certainty
That kind of certainty is rare and elusive, so why shoot for something likely out of our reach. Demanding certainty from life is a fool’s errand.
We can check ourselves for logical fallacies and cognitive distortions, so that we do not make things worse.
Challenge: Check the narrative, the story you tell yourself about the affair, for accuracy. The way you tell the story might just make you feel worse. You get to tell it differently and you get to change the ending. You are the author of this chapter. Tell your story with care.
Did you know that people freely give attention to those who nurture and support them? I challenge you to nurture and support those around you in ways that are meaningful to them.
I would ask my clients to please let me know if you use my blog to continue the growth between sessions. It can be another resource for you.
Thank you for joining me today and I look forward to spending more time together in the future.
Thank you for subscribing,
Don Boice, LCSWR
“The go- to guy for conflict”
“But, It doesn’t make sense to me”
Our brain desperately wants it to make sense.
Feelings might get you there faster. Listen to this audio if you want some hints
https://archive.org/details/feel-the-pain-and-be-gentle-with-self
“It has to make sense”
We impose logic on situations that have no logic sometimes. Like an affair makes zero sense. Everyone involved gets hurt, damage is done and the illusion gets shattered. No one wins.
Make sense of that!
If people could see what they are doing and that they are chasing an illusion, they would stop and choose a better option. They would promptly tell their partner that something is bothering them and sit down and make it better. Or they would tell their partner that they want to be done and then go looking.
Obviously, not every affair is exactly the same, but many of the patterns overlap.
Deep down, many of us believe that if we could just figure it out, we’d be okay.
Certainty
That kind of certainty is rare and elusive, so why shoot for something likely out of our reach. Demanding certainty from life is a fool’s errand.
We can check ourselves for logical fallacies and cognitive distortions, so that we do not make things worse.
Challenge: Check the narrative, the story you tell yourself about the affair, for accuracy. The way you tell the story might just make you feel worse. You get to tell it differently and you get to change the ending. You are the author of this chapter. Tell your story with care.
Did you know that people freely give attention to those who nurture and support them? I challenge you to nurture and support those around you in ways that are meaningful to them.
I would ask my clients to please let me know if you use my blog to continue the growth between sessions. It can be another resource for you.
Thank you for joining me today and I look forward to spending more time together in the future.
Thank you for subscribing,
Don Boice, LCSWR
“The go- to guy for conflict”
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