No guesswork
Relationships depend on predictability. The more anxiety, the harder it is to stay in a relationship.
If you have anxiety, you likely prefer certainty.
If not, you value some level of spontaneity and some level of predictability. When someone is regularly unpredictable, I start assuming mental illness.
Where is that threshold? Impulsive, compulsive, unpredictable or spontaneous
What I truly care about is- Can I rely on you? Do you have my back? Are you looking out for yourself and for me? I am looking out for both of us and assumed you were as well.
When you say something, is it likely that you will do what you said you would do, unless there are circumstances beyond your control? Is that reasonable to expect with you? If I cannot rely on your words and actions to match, I believe your actions rather than your words. You are making me choose between the two because they cannot both be true at the same time.
Let me give an example of guesswork. Personally, I love to know the context. Tell me why you are doing what you are doing. Tell me details about what is coming next so that I can prepare myself a little bit. I enjoy spontaneity after I know the parameters of a situation. If you know important information about a person or situation, I expect that information to be shared with me.
When I don’t know the context and am walking into a new situation, I bring some nerves with me, usually based on my past. Until I know what I am walking into, I am open to all possibilities. That is not possible for our brains to handle for too long. Our brains want to structure things and put them in categories and organize them. It makes life easier for our brain.
Help each other out with this. If you know, and your partner has no idea, throw them a bone. Consider every situation you walk into as an opportunity to show your partner that you have their back.
I have heard someone talk about deliberately power playing someone by not telling them what to expect. Embarrassed by wearing clothes that don’t match the situation, having expectations that were easily discussed but “forgotten,” someone was there that perhaps was out of place or made them uneasy- most of us don’t power play our partner and expect a healthy relationship. While that is unusual, the creation of a power dynamic is concerning.
I want to know what is happening- you know and could tell me. Are you not considering me or thinking about me? Are you in your own bubble and it doesn't cross your mind? Is there etiquette that you assume I know?
Why would you choose to not tell me and lighten my load?
Are you considering me and how this might land?
Relationships depend on predictability. The more anxiety, the harder it is to stay in a relationship.
If you have anxiety, you likely prefer certainty.
If not, you value some level of spontaneity and some level of predictability. When someone is regularly unpredictable, I start assuming mental illness.
Where is that threshold? Impulsive, compulsive, unpredictable or spontaneous
What I truly care about is- Can I rely on you? Do you have my back? Are you looking out for yourself and for me? I am looking out for both of us and assumed you were as well.
When you say something, is it likely that you will do what you said you would do, unless there are circumstances beyond your control? Is that reasonable to expect with you? If I cannot rely on your words and actions to match, I believe your actions rather than your words. You are making me choose between the two because they cannot both be true at the same time.
Let me give an example of guesswork. Personally, I love to know the context. Tell me why you are doing what you are doing. Tell me details about what is coming next so that I can prepare myself a little bit. I enjoy spontaneity after I know the parameters of a situation. If you know important information about a person or situation, I expect that information to be shared with me.
When I don’t know the context and am walking into a new situation, I bring some nerves with me, usually based on my past. Until I know what I am walking into, I am open to all possibilities. That is not possible for our brains to handle for too long. Our brains want to structure things and put them in categories and organize them. It makes life easier for our brain.
Help each other out with this. If you know, and your partner has no idea, throw them a bone. Consider every situation you walk into as an opportunity to show your partner that you have their back.
I have heard someone talk about deliberately power playing someone by not telling them what to expect. Embarrassed by wearing clothes that don’t match the situation, having expectations that were easily discussed but “forgotten,” someone was there that perhaps was out of place or made them uneasy- most of us don’t power play our partner and expect a healthy relationship. While that is unusual, the creation of a power dynamic is concerning.
I want to know what is happening- you know and could tell me. Are you not considering me or thinking about me? Are you in your own bubble and it doesn't cross your mind? Is there etiquette that you assume I know?
Why would you choose to not tell me and lighten my load?
Are you considering me and how this might land?
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