I do some teaching on sacred sexuality that might be of interest to you. A few free workbooks on this website boicecounseling.com might help you have those potentially awkward conversations.
Orgasm Breathing
Did you know that how you breathe might help you have an orgasm? Or several?
If you are already having multiple orgasms keep doing what you are doing.
If you are not, give this a try during masturbation and then during sex with someone.
Think about the connection between relaxation and breathing.
Get yourself relaxed enough to enjoy your journey, the process of pleasure, that may or may not lead to orgasm.
Orgasm is not always the goal, right?
Sometimes, just comforting and being with the person, sometimes a release of anxiety or tension… Sometimes just love making and experimenting with how much pleasure your body can stand…
Obviously, talk with your partner and let them know about the practice.
Let your partner know what you want beforehand. The most sexually satisfied couples report that they talk about what they want and adjust it during.
Talk to your partner and verbally make adjustments during. Additionally, moan to indicate pleasure throughout the experience. Silent sex makes us think instead of experience it. Holding your breath and being silent increases the chances of sexual frustration, so practice talking (during sex) with your partner, breathing as orgasm approaches and practice being in the moment, experiencing pleasure, receiving and giving pleasure. Practice moaning and keeping your mouth open.
When you moan, you are regulating breathing and your mouth is open. There is a theory that if your mouth is open, it is easier to relax the vagina (sphincter theory). So talk, breathe, moan and see what happens.
If you catch yourself holding your breath during sex, practice reaching orgasm alone, while doing a breathing exercise.
Lightly touch yourself, avoiding the clitoris for about 3-5 minutes (after the first orgasm) and see what happens when you continue breathing deeply, keep your mouth open and touch your clitoris again. Train your body to keep deep breathing throughout and the feelings, the intensity is affected. What did you notice? Pay attention to your body. If you train your body to have one orgasm and be done, you might be surprised how easy it is to get to the second orgasm, once you stop thinking and start experiencing the breath.
At one time or another, my guess is that everyone has held their breath as they approached orgasm. This may have slowed or stopped the process and frustrated one or both of you.
What would happen if you asked your partner, “How do you want me to remind you to breathe during this?”
There are many different ways to breathe so that you keep the relaxed arousal necessary.
One way I learned was to breathe in as if through a straw, mouth open. As I am breathing, my eyes go up like an elevator. I see the 7 main chakras from root to crown and I notice the color of each (level 1 of the aura) as I progress, red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo and violet. Add some complexity and look into your partner’s eyes while you are being intimate and doing this breathing. Add some more intimacy and complexity and match each other’s breath. Want more like this? Read the Art of Sexual Ecstasy by Margot Anand.
Try this: Open your mouth and take deep belly breaths as you feel pleasure building. When you feel yourself getting closer to climax, continue to pulse the pelvic floor muscles while breathing deeper and a bit faster to stop your diaphragm from tensing and this keeps the rest of your muscles soft. Relaxed arousal…
Try this: sip air into your mouth, as if through a straw. Tense and release (pulse- like doing kegels) your pc muscle while breathing that way. Once you have that down, see your energy running up your body and out of your head.
Next, pay attention to your core by pulling in the belly button, putting shoulders back. As in yoga, always lengthen the spine. Step by step you practice these until you feel comfortable if not a sense of mastery. Now, with muscles tensed, hold the breath for a few moments. See your energy running back down the body through the root chakra and relax your entire body, including the pc muscle.
Let yourself be taken and repeat a dozen times or so.
Remember that an orgasm is a release, so forcing it or trying too hard might not be the best strategy available.
Try breathing before the orgasm and then during it, open mouth breathing and deep breathing. Full-body orgasm is reported to be easier with this.
Jessica O’Reilly, Ph.D., sexologist and founder of The Sexual Pro Series webinars, writes, "You can be so focused on the task, you forget to breathe. Training yourself to breathe deeply and naturally can enhance your sexual experience. Clients report that deep, slow breaths make the orgasmic contractions more intense and numerous."
Seems like something enjoyable to discuss and explore with your partner.
Orgasm Breathing
Did you know that how you breathe might help you have an orgasm? Or several?
If you are already having multiple orgasms keep doing what you are doing.
If you are not, give this a try during masturbation and then during sex with someone.
Think about the connection between relaxation and breathing.
Get yourself relaxed enough to enjoy your journey, the process of pleasure, that may or may not lead to orgasm.
Orgasm is not always the goal, right?
Sometimes, just comforting and being with the person, sometimes a release of anxiety or tension… Sometimes just love making and experimenting with how much pleasure your body can stand…
Obviously, talk with your partner and let them know about the practice.
Let your partner know what you want beforehand. The most sexually satisfied couples report that they talk about what they want and adjust it during.
Talk to your partner and verbally make adjustments during. Additionally, moan to indicate pleasure throughout the experience. Silent sex makes us think instead of experience it. Holding your breath and being silent increases the chances of sexual frustration, so practice talking (during sex) with your partner, breathing as orgasm approaches and practice being in the moment, experiencing pleasure, receiving and giving pleasure. Practice moaning and keeping your mouth open.
When you moan, you are regulating breathing and your mouth is open. There is a theory that if your mouth is open, it is easier to relax the vagina (sphincter theory). So talk, breathe, moan and see what happens.
If you catch yourself holding your breath during sex, practice reaching orgasm alone, while doing a breathing exercise.
Lightly touch yourself, avoiding the clitoris for about 3-5 minutes (after the first orgasm) and see what happens when you continue breathing deeply, keep your mouth open and touch your clitoris again. Train your body to keep deep breathing throughout and the feelings, the intensity is affected. What did you notice? Pay attention to your body. If you train your body to have one orgasm and be done, you might be surprised how easy it is to get to the second orgasm, once you stop thinking and start experiencing the breath.
At one time or another, my guess is that everyone has held their breath as they approached orgasm. This may have slowed or stopped the process and frustrated one or both of you.
What would happen if you asked your partner, “How do you want me to remind you to breathe during this?”
There are many different ways to breathe so that you keep the relaxed arousal necessary.
One way I learned was to breathe in as if through a straw, mouth open. As I am breathing, my eyes go up like an elevator. I see the 7 main chakras from root to crown and I notice the color of each (level 1 of the aura) as I progress, red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo and violet. Add some complexity and look into your partner’s eyes while you are being intimate and doing this breathing. Add some more intimacy and complexity and match each other’s breath. Want more like this? Read the Art of Sexual Ecstasy by Margot Anand.
Try this: Open your mouth and take deep belly breaths as you feel pleasure building. When you feel yourself getting closer to climax, continue to pulse the pelvic floor muscles while breathing deeper and a bit faster to stop your diaphragm from tensing and this keeps the rest of your muscles soft. Relaxed arousal…
Try this: sip air into your mouth, as if through a straw. Tense and release (pulse- like doing kegels) your pc muscle while breathing that way. Once you have that down, see your energy running up your body and out of your head.
Next, pay attention to your core by pulling in the belly button, putting shoulders back. As in yoga, always lengthen the spine. Step by step you practice these until you feel comfortable if not a sense of mastery. Now, with muscles tensed, hold the breath for a few moments. See your energy running back down the body through the root chakra and relax your entire body, including the pc muscle.
Let yourself be taken and repeat a dozen times or so.
Remember that an orgasm is a release, so forcing it or trying too hard might not be the best strategy available.
Try breathing before the orgasm and then during it, open mouth breathing and deep breathing. Full-body orgasm is reported to be easier with this.
Jessica O’Reilly, Ph.D., sexologist and founder of The Sexual Pro Series webinars, writes, "You can be so focused on the task, you forget to breathe. Training yourself to breathe deeply and naturally can enhance your sexual experience. Clients report that deep, slow breaths make the orgasmic contractions more intense and numerous."
Seems like something enjoyable to discuss and explore with your partner.
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