Men do not always go to couples counseling. Men who come to Don tend to attend regularly and value the process, which makes it more likely to work. If either party won't attend, couples counseling cannot work.
- Don will help clients develop effective coping skills so they can withstand the stress of conflict and live their lives more fully.
- Don's style is very gentle and tactful. No ganging up, no one is made to be a fool, and there is no one "in your face."
- Clients set the pace and the direction and Don keeps them on track. Consider reading the blog on this site and the articles for homework.
- Privacy and boundaries are always respected. Clients choose to share as much or as little of the story, the personal details, as they wish.
Skills Approach: Don helps clients increase their conflict resolution skills, their ability to emotionally connect, so they can be more independent and achieve greater well-being. People tend to appreciate the skills approach as they choose what to disclose, when to disclose it and they gain the confidence necessary to work on themselves outside of the sessions.
Check out "Clarification" on YouTube Clarification
Check out "Validation" on YouTube Validation
Check out "How feelings work" on YouTube How Feelings Work
Check out "Communication handout" on slideshare Communication
Check out "The Wound" on Archive.org Wound
Short-term focus: Don's goal is to have people not come for long periods of time. Counseling is not meant to be forever. As you learn the skills, you'll find that you can have these discussions without Don and then save both time and money, not to mention reduce hostility.
Counseling is not about being dependent on a counselor. With regular practice, homework and by learning new skills, counseling does not need to be long-term. The skills learned can be applied to a variety of issues people face in their lives. Check out the blog for ideas for your relationship.
Homework: Don believes in the value of working between sessions. Just like athletes who must train between games to improve their performance, clients find their sessions more valuable when they regularly practice between sessions. Homework varies by issue. Those who do the work tend to need fewer sessions and find the peace they seek more quickly.
You could get the easier conflict out of the way by checking out this slideshare on gender communication Masculine and feminine communication patterns
I am offering a class next February to help people better prepare for Valentine's Day. The follow up class will be entitled, "How to Recover From Valentine's Day" a humorous way to not take ourselves so seriously, while making sure that we do not take our partner for granted. How to be a better lover, remembering that doesn't just mean sexual technique. Many people feel under appreciated and Valentine's Day is notorious for triggering strong feelings. email me if you are interested in reserving your spot email@example.com
Couples Handout with links to multiple videos and articles Handouts to Couples
Validation Homework Clarification and Validation
Contempt Homework for Contempt
Triggers Homework Triggers and Diffuse Physiological Arousal
Brainstorming Creative Ideas for Dating in the Rochester Area Dates
Board Game Recommendations for the Couple and Family Board Games to Strengthen Couples
Love meditation ("You are loved" audio recording) Love Meditation
Love, Enlightenment, Pleasure and Prosperity ("Raise your vibration" audio) Love, Pleasure, Prosperity, Enlightenment Mantra
Feeling Despair or Hopeless? Call 211, Go to the emergency room, if suicidal Encouragement When Despairing
In danger of Stonewalling? Send this to your partner DPA Script
Working with couples affords me many insights. Getting the spark back is a challenge for many couples and yet we have ways to do it that are rather straightforward. Sexuality is vital, transformative and does not originate in the genitals and is not contained by the bedroom. Make love with the parts of you that actually make love. Imagine having a retreat that starts virtually. That is to say that you prepare yourself for the retreat with a workbook (see above Pre retreat workbook) that gets your habits started and gets you thinking about sexuality in a different manner. Not only will you be a better lover, you will be a better partner and a better person. Yes, there are techniques involved, but it is about calling forth a better version of yourself. It is about honoring yourself, your partner and sexuality itself. When you transcend your body, you will find that it is a highly spiritual experience.
I encourage you to download the first workbook and consider attending the retreat and getting the other workbooks, so that over the course of a year, you will have multiple reinforcements and much support for this new mindset. Can't wait? Got to www.Archive.org and search "Don Boice" and you will find multiple audio files for sacred sexuality. Many are not rated PG or PG 13.
Sacred Sexuality Workbook for future retreats: Pre-retreat Sacred Sexuality Workbook
Sacred Sexuality Audio- go to www.archive.org and type in "Don Boice" or check this one out-
MUST LISTEN Prepare your body for being sexual by going through the mind first (not rated PG) Prepare Your Mind (not PG) for Today
Sacred Sexuality Retreat
You might not be ready
Do you have what it takes?
This is hard work and many people give up.
Do you have the discipline, the stamina to be among the successful people? Are you weak and afraid?
Can you stand among the courageous ones, and become one of the best lovers?
Are you willing to take a stand today and become the best version of yourself?
Are you willing to push your boundaries and expand your comfort zone?
Are you willing to grow your self esteem, your confidence, by challenging yourself?
Are you strong enough to be vulnerable and let down your guard?
Shoot me an email if you would like to be part of an upcoming retreat firstname.lastname@example.org
Here's an audio file on archive.org that you might appreciate
Conscious Love Making Short audio Conscious Love Making
What Are We Going to Try What are we going to try today? (not rated PG)
Note the focus on Tantra during the April -June 2020 blogs on my website- very popular (and fulfilling) reading.
You could also find me on Slideshare.net - Passion Retreat Passion Retreat
Treating Affairs and Trauma
Can My Marriage Survive an Affair? read here
I completed another 17 hour training designed and presented by John Gottman, Ph.D. and Julie Gottman, Ph.D. What I love about their training is that it is evidence based and they give handouts for us to share with clients.
While I would not hold myself out as a trauma specialist, I can say that I have taken training from every living guru in the trauma field and have read extensively over the past six years. I have taken several trainings on EMDR and can help you in different ways if trauma is part of your history.
Terri Pease can work with you on your finances and get you into a good place with creative ideas. Relieve some of your financial stress and have confidence that you can do it with her guidance. Give her a call at 585.747.2920. Check out her website tkpfinancialcoaching.com or contact her by email: email@example.com or LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/terripease/
Did you know that Reiki can help people who are in counseling?
Sometimes when people are stuck, say, with Depression, after a reiki session, they can then work more effectively on their depression within the context of a counseling session. I have had clients switch to Reiki for awhile so they learn how to ground themselves and keep themselves flowing.
Looking for a Reiki Master and Teacher?
Consider Kelly Thom M.S., R.N. She is working on a project to teach Reiki to as many people as she can, to spread the beauty of healing and heal as many people as possible. It will be self-paced, with video, audio and reading, some coaching to set up your own practice. Stay tuned.
Call Kelly Thom DeFrees M.S., R.N. today at 585.721.5215 - convenient location, free parking and weekend hours available
Want to learn more? Check out her website or view her guest blog post on my blog 9 1 2020. www.reikiwithkelly.org
Divorce Can Be Hard!
I have a CD that helps you consider the alternatives and walks you through thought processes.
Should I Stay or Go? Considering Ending the Marriage
Divorce Vows Divorce Vows if you have children
Contemplating Divorce Contemplating divorce: Consider this
Tell the Children How to tell the children you are separating
Don't Let Yourself Be Tricked Into a Fight in the Process of Divorce Don't get tricked into a fight in divorce
Try Mediation or Collaborative Divorce
If you are considering Divorce, I would suggest using Mediation or Collaborative Law. Please tell them I sent you. Cyndy Rochford (585) 348-9786 is an Attorney who can work with you in Collaborative Law or Mediation and is a Cornell graduate. Very gentle and kind and knows what she is doing. If you like my personality and want that in an attorney, consider her. Email her at Cyndy@Rochford-Law.com or check out her website: www.rochfordlawandmediation.com
Here is a Newsletter from Cyndy on Coping With COVID 19 Coping in the Time of Covid Attorney Cyndy Rochford
I have significant training as a divorce mediator and have conducted trainings for others as well. I also have been trained as a "neutral" in collaborative law so I can help you navigate your divorce with as little pain as possible. I can help you with conflict in a respectful manner.
CrossRoads Divorce Advisor
Linden Financial Consultants
Ryan and Sayers
Wesley, Clark and Peshkin
Ask me for help navigating the system or listen to an audio I recorded www.Archive.org just type "Don Boice"
Here are a few to help you prepare for Divorce Mediation
Preparing for Divorce Mediation Prepare for Divorce Mediation
Why Mediate? What is the value of mediation?
Child Support Child support
Dividing Marital Property Dividing marital property
Negotiating in Mediation for College Costs College and extracurricular costs
Prepare for Mediation
Get yourself ready and organized for mediation by using these worksheets below. There is a lot to organize and if you get yourself ready now, it is significantly easier and less time consuming. Consider going to www.slideshare.com and searching "Don Boice" or the same for YouTube for self paced learning about mediation.
Worksheet 1 Parenting Plan: Do First Parenting Plan Worksheet
Worksheet 2 Budget and Child Support: Do Second Budget and Child Support and Other Money Spent on Children Worksheet
Worksheet 3 Retirement and Taxes: Do third Equitable Distribution and Retirement and Tax Worksheet
Worksheet 4 Spousal Support: Do fourth Spousal Support Worksheet
Worksheet 5 Save Money: Do fifth Save Money
Final Worksheet: Final Item of Mediation To Do List
Consider going to www.archive.org and searching "Don Boice" for audio about conflict, divorce and mediation.
Here are a couple that you might appreciate
Negotiate for the Highest Win Win Possible Nash Equilibrium for the best negotiation
Add to Your Ability to Negotiate Well Bayes Rule
The Process of a Fight The process of a fight
How to Have Better Arguments After You Are Divorced How to argue better post divorce
Script for an Argument Script for an argument
Ask for What You Need Divorce is not the end of the line- ask for your needs to be met
Post Divorce Dating
Want a week by week guide to being newly divorced and getting ready to date again, as well, when the time is right? Don't take your emotional baggage into your next relationship.
Your Wound is asking to be healed Healing your wound
Heal from rejection Heal from rejection and criticism
Sex in your 50s Dating in Your 50s and Sex in Your 50s
Don was interviewed by a magazine for this concept and was a guest on a multi week radio show and wrote the following week by week guide:
Year One Divorce and Dating in Your 50s.docx
Healing from a Break Up
There is also an audio file about breaking up and how to heal. If you are struggling with letting go of your ex, this might be helpful. Self esteem is also an issue.
Healing From a Break Up
Do I Have Worth?