Couples Counseling


​Benefits:
  • Men do not always go to couples counseling.  Men who come to Don tend to attend regularly and value the process, which makes it more likely to work. If either party won't attend, couples counseling cannot work.
  • Don will help clients develop effective coping skills so they can withstand the stress of conflict and live their lives more fully.
  • Don's style is very gentle and tactful. No ganging up, no one is made to be a fool, and there is no one "in your face." 
  • Clients set the pace and the direction and Don keeps them on track. Consider reading the blog on this site and the articles for homework.
  • Privacy and boundaries are always respected. Clients choose to share as much or as little of the story, the personal details, as they wish.

Skills Approach:  Don helps clients increase their conflict resolution skills, their ability to emotionally connect, so they can be more independent and achieve greater well-being.  People tend to appreciate the skills approach as they choose what to disclose, when to disclose it and they gain the confidence necessary to work on themselves outside of the sessions. 

Short-term focus: Don's goal is to have people not come for long periods of time.  Counseling is not meant to be forever. As you learn the skills, you'll find that you can have these discussions without Don and then save both time and money, not to mention reduce hostility.

Counseling is not about being dependent on a counselor.  With regular practice, homework and by learning new skills, counseling does not need to be long-term. The skills learned can be applied to a variety of issues people face in their lives. Check out the blog for ideas for your relationship. For example, note the focus on Tantra during the April -June 2020 blogs- very popular (and fulfilling) reading.

Homework:  Don believes in the value of working between sessions.  Just like athletes who must train between games to improve their performance, clients find their sessions more valuable when they regularly practice between sessions.  Homework varies by issue.  Those who do the work tend to need fewer sessions and find the peace they seek more quickly.

Check out the favorites- Validation: Homework Clarification and Validation.docx 
Contempt:Homework for Contempt.docx  
Triggers: Homework Triggers and Diffuse Physiological Arousal.docx 
Brainstorming Creative Ideas for Dating in the Rochester Area: Dates.docx 
Board Game Recommendations for the Couple and Family Board Games to Strengthen Couples.docx

Treating Affairs and Trauma
I completed another 17 hour training Designed and Presented by John Gottman, Ph.D. and Julie Gottman, Ph.D. What I love about their training is that it is evidence based and they give handouts for us to share with clients. Can My Marriage Survive an Affair?  read here

Post Divorce Dating 
Want a week by week guide to being newly divorced and getting ready to date again, as well, when the time is right? Don't take your emotional baggage into your next relationship. Year One Divorce and Dating in Your 50s.docx
 
CONSIDERING DIVORCE? Try Mediation
If you are considering Divorce, I would suggest using Mediation or Collaborative Law. Please tell them I sent you. Cyndy Rochford (585) 348-9786 is an Attorney who can work with you in Collaborative Law or Mediation and is a Cornell graduate. Very gentle and kind and knows what she is doing. If you like my personality and want that in an attorney, consider her. Email her at Cyndy@Rochford-Law.com or check out her website:   www.rochfordlawandmediation.com

​Here is a Newsletter from Cyndy on Coping With COVID 19 Coping in the Time of Covid Attorney Cyndy Rochford.pdf

PREPARE
Get yourself ready and organized for mediation by using these worksheets below. There is a lot to organize and if you get yourself ready now, it is significantly easier and less time consuming. 

Worksheet 1 Parenting Plan: Do First Parenting Plan Worksheet_1.docx  
Worksheet 2 Budget and Child Support:  Do Second Budget and Child Support and Other Money Spent on Children Worksheet_2.docx
Worksheet 3 Retirement and Taxes: Do third Equitable Distribution and Retirement and Tax Worksheet 3_.docx
Worksheet 4 Spousal Support:  Do fourth Spousal Support Worksheet_4.docx
Worksheet 5 Save Money: Do fifth Save Money if Do These Forms_.docx   
Final Worksheet Change of Address etc: Final Item of Mediation To Do List-Changes of Title, Name and Address.docx