- Men do not always go to couples counseling. Men who come to Don tend to attend regularly and value the process, which makes it more likely to work. If either party won't attend, it cannot work.
- Don will help clients develop effective coping skills so they can withstand the stress of conflict and live their lives more fully.
- Don's style is very gentle and tactful. No ganging up, no one is made to be a fool, and there is no one "in your face."
- Clients set the pace and the direction and Don keeps them on track.
- Privacy and boundaries are always respected. Clients choose to share as much or as little as they wish.
Skills Approach: Don helps clients increase their conflict resolution skills so they can be more independent and achieve greater well-being. People tend to appreciate the skills approach as they choose what to disclose, when to disclose it and they gain the confidence necessary to work on themselves outside of the sessions.
Short-term focus: Don's goal is to have people not come for long periods of time. Counseling is not meant to be forever. As you learn the skills, you'll find that you can have these discussions without Don and then save both time and money, not to mention reduce hostility.
Counseling is not about being dependent on a counselor. With regular practice, homework and by learning new skills, counseling does not need to be long-term. The skills learned can be applied to a variety of issues people face in their lives.
Homework: Don believes in the value of working between sessions. Just like athletes who must train between games to improve their performance, clients find their sessions more valuable when they regularly practice between sessions. Homework varies by issue. Those who do the work tend to need fewer sessions and find the peace they seek more quickly.
For Counseling, please call our appointment line 544-5342.
I also have extensive training in Divorce Mediation and if you are interested, you can find out more on my website www.boicemediation.com or check me out on YouTube. Feel free to forward to your friends or family.
Is Mediation Right For Us?
Inspiration to listen before you go to mediation: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yoD8fHN_BVQ
Should I mediate: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bJDfpAJZphU
Before you mediate (good food for your mind) : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2aIAQvp2hR4
Goal of protection during Mediation: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vlAMfVome5g
Practical Prep for Mediation: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GcJwz916Sm4
Think about who you want to mediate your divorce process. Who do you trust guiding you and having your best interests? Think about the personality of the person and how well they “play with others.” Is your mediator someone humble enough that she/he knows they need to forever continue their education, and give back to the field or is it the person who is a lone wolf or hypercompetitive?
Do you want someone who is willing to give information out for free or hoard it? Is it someone who has a “one size fits all” approach? Is it someone who can get you connected to experts or the person who thinks they know all the aspects of divorce process? Do you want someone who knows the topics but can also deal with your feelings? Do you want someone who is warm and fuzzy and can be empathetic? Do you want someone whose office returns your calls?
I have strong ideas about keeping families out of the court based system and here's why in the words of Ken Cloke-
Ken Cloke has listed “Problems with Litigation from A to Z”
A. It takes too long and costs too much.
B. It cannot address the underlying emotional reasons for a dispute.
C. It assumes there is a single truth, and often misses the point.
D. It emphasizes rule-driven values rather than value-driven rules.
E. It is formal, logical and bureaucratic, rather than informal, intuitive, artistic or relational, and unfriendly to children.
F. Results are often based on fault, and more punitive, formal and ceremonial than equitable, practical and agreed upon.
G. It routinely and unnecessarily produces winners and losers.
H. It focuses on the past rather than on the future.
I. Its results are often unpredictable and enforcement is coerced.
J. Unworkable results are difficult or impossible to correct.
K. It is rarely able to intervene in advance of injury or damage.
L. Differences between judges allow for “unequal justice.”
M. Relationships cannot be successfully addressed or improved.
N. Communication problems cannot be usefully identified or resolved.
O. It cannot handle disputes that fall outside legal jurisdiction.
P. The process is adversarial rather than collaborative.
Q. Only a limited number of remedies are possible and these focus on money and omit collaborative, creative and imaginative solutions.
R. Results tend to affirm the status quo ante, making it difficult to be preventative or systemic, and address chronic conflicts.
S. It cannot respond in real time to rapidly changing circumstances.
T. There is almost no personal dialogue between the parties, or opportunities for direct conversation and exploration of options.
U. The process encourages people to be self-interested rather than collaborative, and self-serving rather than generous or honest.
V. Information is not exchanged easily or early enough, and cannot be used to plan and collaborate, or to avoid and prevent problems.
W. Witnesses are cross-examined rather than conversed with or listened to, and rarely with empathy or compassion.
X. The process is controlled by judges and lawyers who know the truth second-hand, rather than by the parties who know it first-hand.
Y. Questions are close-ended rather than open-ended.
Z. Cooperation, apology and forgiveness are discouraged.
© Kenneth Cloke