Couples Counseling
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Men do not always go to couples counseling. Men who come to Don tend to attend regularly and value the process, which makes it more likely to work. If either party won't attend, couples counseling cannot work.
- Don will help clients develop effective coping skills so they can withstand the stress of conflict and live their lives more fully.
- Don's style is very gentle and tactful. No ganging up, no one is made to be a fool, and there is no one "in your face."
- Clients set the pace and the direction and Don keeps them on track. Consider reading the blog on this site and the articles for homework.
- Privacy and boundaries are always respected. Clients choose to share as much or as little of the story, the personal details, as they wish.
Skills Approach: Don helps clients increase their conflict resolution skills, their ability to emotionally connect, so they can be more independent and achieve greater well-being. People tend to appreciate the skills approach as they choose what to disclose, when to disclose it and they gain the confidence necessary to work on themselves outside of the sessions.
Check out "Clarification" on YouTube Clarification
Check out "Validation" on YouTube Validation
Check out "How feelings work" on YouTube How Feelings Work
Check out "Communication handout" on slideshare Communication
Check out "The Wound" on Archive.org Wound
Check out multiple references to root cause of anxiety/ depression Root causes of anxiety
Root causes of depression and anxiety
Overcome Anxiety Root Causes
Check out how to be happy Neuroscience and Happiness
Happy and Grateful
The Habits of Happiness
The Simple Secret to Happiness
How Do We Become Happy?
Short-term focus: Don's goal is to have people not come for long periods of time. Counseling is not meant to be forever. As you learn the skills, you'll find that you can have these discussions without Don and then save both time and money, not to mention reduce hostility.
Counseling is not about being dependent on a counselor. With regular practice, homework and by learning new skills, counseling does not need to be long-term. The skills learned can be applied to a variety of issues people face in their lives. Check out the blog for ideas for your relationship.
Homework: Don believes in the value of working between sessions. Just like athletes who must train between games to improve their performance, clients find their sessions more valuable when they regularly practice between sessions. Homework varies by issue. Those who do the work tend to need fewer sessions and find the peace they seek more quickly.
You could get the easier conflict out of the way by checking out this slideshare on gender communication Masculine and feminine communication patterns
Favorite articles/handouts:
Couples Handout with links to multiple videos and articles Handouts to Couples
Validation Homework Clarification and Validation
Contempt Homework for Contempt
Triggers Homework Triggers and Diffuse Physiological Arousal
Brainstorming Creative Ideas for Dating in the Rochester Area Dates
Board Game Recommendations for the Couple and Family Board Games to Strengthen Couples
Love meditation ("You are loved" audio recording) Love Meditation
Love, Enlightenment, Pleasure and Prosperity ("Raise your vibration" audio) Love, Pleasure, Prosperity, Enlightenment Mantra
Feeling Despair or Hopeless? Call 211, Go to the emergency room, if suicidal Encouragement When Despairing
In danger of Stonewalling? Send this to your partner DPA Script
Sacred Sexuality
Working with couples affords me many insights. Getting the spark back is a challenge for many couples and yet we have ways to do it that are rather straightforward. Sexuality is vital, transformative and does not originate in the genitals and is not contained by the bedroom. Make love with the parts of you that actually make love. Imagine having a retreat that starts virtually. That is to say that you prepare yourself for the retreat with a workbook (see above Pre retreat workbook) that gets your habits started and gets you thinking about sexuality in a different manner. Not only will you be a better lover, you will be a better partner and a better person. Yes, there are techniques involved, but it is about calling forth a better version of yourself. It is about honoring yourself, your partner and sexuality itself. When you transcend your body, you will find that it is a highly spiritual experience.
I encourage you to download the first workbook and consider attending the retreat and getting the other workbooks, so that over the course of a year, you will have multiple reinforcements and much support for this new mindset. Can't wait? Got to www.Archive.org and search "Don Boice" and you will find multiple audio files for sacred sexuality. Many are not rated PG or PG 13.
Sacred Sexuality Workbooks for retreats:
Pre Retreat Sacred Sexuality Workbook
Actual Retreat Workbook
Post Retreat Sacred Sexuality Workbook
Want Sacred Sexuality Audio? Go to www.archive.org and type in "Don Boice"
MUST LISTEN Prepare your body for being sexual by going through the mind first (not rated PG) Prepare Your Mind (not PG) for Today
Here's an audio file on archive.org that you might appreciate
Conscious Love Making Short audio Conscious Love Making
What Are We Going to Try What are we going to try today? (not rated PG)
You could also find me on Slideshare.net - Passion Retreat Passion Retreat
Treating Affairs and Trauma
Can My Marriage Survive an Affair? read here
Prepare for Mediation
Get yourself ready and organized for mediation by using these worksheets below. There is a lot to organize and if you get yourself ready now, it is significantly easier and less time consuming. Consider going to www.slideshare.com and searching "Don Boice" or the same for YouTube for self paced learning about mediation.
Parenting Plan Worksheet Worksheet 1 Parenting Plan:
Budget and Child Support and Other Money Spent on Children Worksheet Worksheet 2 Budget and Child Support
Equitable Distribution and Retirement and Tax Worksheet Worksheet 3 Retirement and Taxes
Spousal Support Worksheet Worksheet 4 Spousal Support
Save Money Worksheet 5 Save Money
Final Item of Mediation To Do List Final Worksheet
Consider going to www.archive.org and searching "Don Boice" for audio about conflict, divorce and mediation.
Here are a couple that you might appreciate
Negotiate for the Highest Win Win Possible Nash Equilibrium for the best negotiation
Add to Your Ability to Negotiate Well Bayes Rule
The Process of a Fight The process of a fight
How to Have Better Arguments After You Are Divorced How to argue better post divorce
Script for an Argument Script for an argument
Ask for What You Need Divorce is not the end of the line- ask for your needs to be met
Ask me for help navigating the system or listen to an audio I recorded www.Archive.org just type "Don Boice"
Here are a few to help you prepare for Divorce Mediation
Preparing for Divorce Mediation Prepare for Divorce Mediation
Why Mediate? What is the value of mediation?
Child Support Child support
Dividing Marital Property Dividing marital property
Negotiating in Mediation for College Costs College and extracurricular costs
Post Divorce Dating
Want a week by week guide to being newly divorced and getting ready to date again, as well, when the time is right? Don't take your emotional baggage into your next relationship.
Your Wound is asking to be healed Healing your wound
Heal from rejection Heal from rejection and criticism
Sex in your 50s Dating in Your 50s and Sex in Your 50s
Don was interviewed by a magazine for this concept and was a guest on a multi week radio show and wrote the following week by week guide:
Year One Divorce and Dating in Your 50s.docx
Healing from a Break Up
There is also an audio file about breaking up and how to heal. If you are struggling with letting go of your ex, this might be helpful. Self esteem is also an issue.
Healing From a Break Up
Do I Have Worth?
