Couples Counseling



Men do not always go to couples counseling.  Men who come to Don tend to attend regularly and value the process, which makes it more likely to work. If either party won't attend, couples counseling cannot work.
  • Don will help clients develop effective coping skills so they can withstand the stress of conflict and live their lives more fully.
  • Don's style is very gentle and tactful. No ganging up, no one is made to be a fool, and there is no one "in your face." 
  • Clients set the pace and the direction and Don keeps them on track. Consider reading the blog on this site and the articles (the links on the previous page on website and the links below on website) for homework.
  • Privacy and boundaries are always respected. Clients choose to share as much or as little of the story, the personal details, as they wish.

Skills Approach:  Don helps clients increase their conflict resolution skills, their ability to emotionally connect, so they can be more independent and achieve greater well-being.  People tend to appreciate the skills approach as they choose what to disclose, when to disclose it and they gain the confidence necessary to work on themselves outside of the sessions.

Short-term focus: Don's goal is to have people not come for long periods of time.  Counseling is not meant to be forever. As you learn the skills, you'll find that you can have these discussions without Don and then save both time and money, not to mention reduce hostility.
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Counseling is not about being dependent on a counselor.  With regular practice, consistently doing the homework (and practicing the skills learned in counseling) and by learning new skills, counseling does not need to be long-term. The skills learned can be applied to a variety of issues people face in their lives. Check out the blog for ideas for your relationship.

Homework:  Don believes in the value of working between sessions.  Just like athletes who must train between games to improve their performance, clients find their sessions more valuable when they regularly practice between sessions.  Homework varies by issue.  Those who do the work tend to need fewer sessions and find the peace they seek more quickly.

Want to be super prepared for counseling? Check out these resources:

Check out a wonderful process for conversations                              Talker and Listener
Check out I Statements article                                                            I Statements
Check out Clarification and Validation article                                      Clarification and Validation Article

Check out multiple references to root cause of anxiety/ depression   Root Causes of Anxiety
                                                                                                             Root Causes of Depression and Anxiety
                                                                                                             Overcome Anxiety Root Causes
                                                                                                                                                                                                                       
Check out how to be happy                                                                  Neuroscience and Happiness 
                                                                                                              Happy and Grateful
​                                                                                                              The Habits of Happiness
                                                                                                              The Simple Secret to Happiness
                                                                                                              How Do We Become Happy?    



​You could get the easier conflict out of the way by checking out this slideshare on gender communication 
                                                                                                             Masculine and Feminine Communication Patterns

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Favorite articles/handouts:
Couples Handout with links to multiple videos and articles*               Handouts to Couples
Validation                                                                                             Homework Clarification and Validation 
Contempt                                                                                             Homework for Contempt  
Triggers                                                                                                Homework Triggers and Diffuse Physiological Arousal 
Brainstorming Creative Ideas for Dating in the Rochester Area           Dates 
               




                                              Enlightenment Through Ecstasy: An Adventure Into Sacred Sexuality Retreats

Working with couples affords me many insights for how to help them reach a new level. There does not have to be a "problem." You might be going from great to "Oh my goodness!"

Getting the spark back is a challenge for many couples and yet we have ways to do it that are rather straightforward.  My workbooks are currently at the editors and I am making sure the audio will help guide you through it.

Sexuality is vital, transformative and does not originate in the genitals and is not contained by the bedroom.

                                                       Make love with the parts of you that actually make love.

Imagine having a weeklong retreat that works virtually. That is to say that you prepare yourself for the retreat with a workbook and the audio, the workbook gets your habits started and gets you thinking about sexuality in a different manner.

Not only will you be a better lover, you will be a better partner and a better person. Yes, there are techniques involved, but it is about calling forth a better version of yourself.

                                                                    It is about honoring yourself, your partner and sexuality itself.

When you transcend your body, you will find that it is a highly spiritual experience.

I encourage you to download the first workbook and complete it, without rushing through it. There are audios at archive.org that will reinforce what is being taught and reminded in the workbooks.

Then download the other workbooks, so that over the course of a year, you will have multiple reinforcements and much support for this new mindset.         

Here are the Links to the workbooks:
Pre-retreat Sacred Sexuality.docx
Post-retreat Sacred Sexuality.docx
(Retreat itself) Sacred Sexuality Self-paced.docx

Want the audio that accompanies the workbooks?
​Go to www.archive.org and search, "Don Boice"