Why do so many couples choose Boice Counseling for Couples in Rochester, NY?
You, like me, pursue results, in a setting designed for both of you to feel welcome. Skills that you can practice long-term, not weekly sessions that make you dependent... Progress that is measured and reinforced by a relationship expert... I help you get results. That is only helpful if you then sustain it. I help you prompt yourselves to sustain the gains and I reinforce the process with a feedback loop (several, actually to increase your odds of success). We regularly evaluate progress and I show you how to do it without me. Goal Setting with Measuring Were We Successful Quickly, you know how to successfully get back on track. You, like me, value that. How do we choose a Marriage Counselor? I have had couples tell me they did not know what they were looking for or how to choose a good Couples Counselor. Once their relationship was solid, stable and satisfying, they knew what they needed. They told me that they needed someone to guide them to results, in a respectful way. They needed someone who understood that chasing away the guy was not good. The counselor had to set it up to be male-friendly or it would not succeed. Counseling is naturally female-friendly and it had to consciously be balanced or it would be doomed. Naturally, it cannot benefit just one of you. They needed an expert, someone laser-focused. The stakes were too high to go to a generalist. They said they did not want someone who listed 20 different “specialties.” They needed practice or homework and systems of communication, an approach that favored developing skills, not weekly therapy with endless talking and feelings. Therapy is about change. “Show me that you can help me change,” they said. They didn’t care where I got my training, who taught it, what system I used, how much I read or how well I did in school or even what degree. Those are irrelevant to most couples in need. They don’t want the counselor to make it about themselves. One particularly articulate couple came up with this, at session one, “We can make the initial change, we struggle reinforcing the change and then sustaining it, we don’t have feedback loops, we don’t do regular evaluation and correction, we are not great at coming back from the pain and failed bids and arguments.” NOTE: One of the biggest mistakes couples make is procrastinating. They think they have time and they don’t. Justifying it is leading you down the path of resentment towards breakup and divorce. You don't want to wait until it is too late to fix it. Couples Counseling really is a limited time offer! Want to read what clients say about the experience of counseling? Testimonials Results Matter Could I help them get the results they want? They needed a counselor who was prepared for couples, had lots of successful experience and knew what to do with them immediately. Maybe even have a menu of resources on their site so they can get immediate relief... Male-Friendly Note: Most counseling is unintentionally oriented toward being female-friendly due to the gender of the counselor and the field itself. When we seek to have the male feel comfortable, as well, both parties continue coming. That means adjusting the approach and setting to accommodate both people. According to research, many times the man will not come or will not return after session 1. If both parties are not present, research has shown that the couple is unlikely to succeed. If just one person comes and talks about the relationship, the odds are against the couple staying together. How do I get my husband / boyfriend to attend? What to say when asking him 2 minute video about the practice Welcome to the Boice Counseling for Couples- My Style and a Quick Office Tour Responsive Do you want a counseling office to call you back? We do that here because we value you and know how hard it can be to reach out. 9-3 pm Monday through Friday, you can expect a call back. Support For couples who want on-going support outside of sessions, I created a weekly YouTube experience called "Top Notch Couples Keep the Spark Alive Weekly Review" playlist which keeps you talking, in-between sessions, and long after counseling has ended, about the important things in your relationship. Check it out: Keep the Spark Alive Conflict "He's the go-to-guy for resolving conflict." You can have disagreements and be respectful, where both walk away with their dignity intact. Strongly suggest that you look at the handouts entitled, "Talker and Listener" so that you have rules of engagement for a discussion that involves feelings. Read through my site and you'll learn how to ask for your needs to be met instead of complaining (lose your audience if you complain too much). You'll learn deeper insights into compromise and likely reinforce what you already know, but are not doing. You have to be nice to your partner for this to work. You can do that for free and reinforce it during the sessions. Let's stack the deck in favor of your relationship. Talker and Listener Resources "Talker and Listener" will help you reduce unnecessary conflict, if you value that Talker and Listener Talker and LIstener video Talker and Listener Better Negotiating Once Communication is Clear Want to learn how to negotiate better with your partner? Nash Equilibrium Bayes Rule For those who do care about training and education Don Boice has a Master's Degree in Social Work from the University of Pennsylvania, took multiple years of Couples workshops at Harvard Continuing Education and is licensed in New York as a Clinical Social Worker (LCSWR). He uses the insights from many different researchers and most frequently uses resources from multiple trainings with John Gottman, PhD. He is research- based, practical, the information is immediately applicable and he gives handouts to help you take the information with you. If you want more information, there are links throughout this website to video, audios he himself produced and written information. Affair training by John and Julie Gottman led to a more systematic approach to couples who have been through it, from the Cascade article, to a workbook for the person who cheated and this article Can My Marriage Survive an Affair? Step by Step Approach to Healing from an Affair Is it a good fit? With couples counseling, you will either get results in the first three sessions or you will move on. If you do not get results by session three, the suggestion is to fire Don and get a new counselor. It means there is a mismatch between you and the counselor or it means that you are not doing the work necessary to improve. Either way, change something up, since counseling is about change. If there is no change, counseling is not doing its job with you. Often it has to do with rethinking your walls and if they still serve you. Walls or vulnerable communication as protection Would you like to jumpstart your counseling process? Consider reading these pages and practicing and watch how much more effective counseling is for the two of you. Improve Your Counseling Experience Want to improve communication? Evaluate it first Couples communication skills self-assessment "I felt trapped by that question you just asked," and how to repair it: I felt trapped by that question "You don't have the right to feel defensive," she said. You don't have the right to feel defensive Encouraging self-disclosure in your partner: Getting to know you And Self-disclosure often has gendered patterns "We have become roommates," is a common statement I hear. Let's begin working on that immediately and see what can be done to change that. We have become roommates How to ask for sexual intimacy and how to say no with respect- How to ask for sexual intimacy and how to say no without rejecting your partner Couples Focus He specializes in couples, with a focus on conflict resolution, affairs, enlightenment through ecstasy, understanding gender communication and creating an environment where both women and men feel comfortable to resolve their differences. New to Couples Counseling? How to Choose a Couples Counselor Want Results? Choose a Relationship Expert Do you feel bad enough now to make some changes, or would you rather wait until you feel even worse? Remember thinking, “My relationship is ending soon, get in quick!” You had that sense of urgency, knowing something had to be done and fast. A good relationship was in your reach and you went for it. No FOMO for you. Your time is limited and you knew you had to act to save it. You were faced with a choice. Continue procrastinating, ignoring the problem until it gets to be a crisis or deal with it now. Get results now. Insist on results with an expert you can trust. “They thought they had time,” their friends said, "and now they are grieving their relationship. They wish they could see their kids every day like when they were together, but they postponed getting help a little too long." Sacred Sexuality Workbooks You will find that if you do the workbooks as a couple, they are highly focused on communication, specific exercises and applicable immediately for sexuality and useful for relationships in general. They are free to download. The first one is a good overview, then go to the pre retreat. Sacred Sexuality Retreat Workbook Pre retreat Sacred Sexuality Workbook Sacred Sexuality Self-Paced (Exercises) Post- Retreat Sacred Sexuality Workbook Spectacular Sex Exercises and PT for the Pelvic Floor for men aged 40 and beyond To Schedule an Appointment, Contact Michelle, the Office Manager 585.544.5342 My suitemate is Judith Lundquist, LCSW, PLLC Licensed Clinical Social Worker Judy works with adults, adolescents and families. She is experienced in helping with anxiety, depression, parenting and family issues, trauma (physical, emotional and sexual) and loss, and other mental health issues, as well as support for caregivers. Judy has a very gentle yet direct approach and extensive training in individual and family therapy, using short term models or longer term treatment, whatever seems most helpful for each person. She has vast knowledge of resources in the Rochester, NY area. Judy notes she has availability evenings in addition to weekday hours. Judy has worked with individuals and families for more than 25 years and has also been a clinical supervisor for many of those years. Her most recent position was Associate Director of Clinical Services for a nonprofit NYS licensed Mental Health Clinic.is |
Blog
In 2025, the blog is going to focus on healing from an affair. Starting with healing techniques and ideas to consider and questions to ask yourself. The last part of the blog will be helping the person who had the affair not do it again. Books: Finished reading a few books on Sexuality: She Comes First (very technique- heavy book for pleasing the woman), Private Thoughts (women's fantasy and how to talk about it) and Come as You Are (how to set the stage for sex worth having). A few on brain health and brain development - 1. The Female Brain, 2. The Male Brain, 3. The Upgrade (post Menopause) by Louann Brizendine MD (Yale Educated Neuroscientist) and moving from those to a few different Avoidant Attachment Workbooks (Highly recommend author Yevhenii Lozovyi) and then a few books each on how to address trauma with somatic exercises, EMDR (multiple books and workbooks and videos but not "formally" trained). I absolutely enjoy learning and my brain is incredibly curious, so I am always reading and training to make sure I can help you with resources, though my main focus is how it applies to couples. |
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