The suggestion was made to eliminate things that do not calm us down. Why?




Beyond the worldly happiness that we are all seeking is equanimity. It is a deeper sense of contentment rather than the emotion of happiness which comes and goes. It is feeling satisfied that what I am doing is on the right track and that things will work out.




When we are calm and serene, we stop trying to change things that cannot be changed. We accept the adventure that life has thrown at us and we tend to respond better. There are challenges and change is a constant and we do not have to respond in a way that disturbs our emotions.




So that news program I am watching, does it calm me down? That football game or boxing match, does it calm me down? Am I experiencing tranquility on a regular basis or am I keeping myself so busy that I cannot possibly feel a sense of peace? If feeling content and satisfied is a priority, am I setting aside time to calm myself?




Now, imagine this at work. I am simply focused on what is important, the vision. I stop gossiping and surfing the web and looking at Facebook. I complain only when the complaint will result in positive action. I stop stirring up others and I walk away from things that stir me up, when possible.




Take it further and can I be grateful for having a job, despite obvious need for improvement? Can I see the good as well as the bad around me, acknowledge it for what it is and let it be?

How do I need to listen differently to make a sale?

How do I handle a complaint?

How do I read between the lines?

How can I tell if someone is literal versus figurative?

What different behavior might I choose when talking with someone who is indirect versus direct?

How am I inadvertently shutting down the conversation?



It is not what you say, it is how you listen, that matters most. And yet, most of us work very hard crafting our message and spend precious little time working on the skill of listening.




In counseling sessions, as well as when I am mentoring/coaching someone, we practice listening. Deep listening, listening to what is not said, listening to things that others miss... We practice clarifying and validating and then I ask people to try it in the "real world."




When they really have it, the feedback they get is amazing and the loyalty from family/customers makes them continue doing it.




May you be an awesome listener!




Oh, and if you would like me to come to your organization and train your management staff how to better listen, I would welcome the challenge. I do a ton of training and this one pays wonderful dividends every single time. 585.802.1273

Daniel Goleman writes about Emotional Intelligence at Work

Emotional intelligence is the ability to manage your emotions and relationships wisely. It applies to work as well as to romantic relationships. In the future, I will be adding more of these that neatly address both areas of our lives.

You have met the person who is brilliant and cannot handle life. They might have been a great CEO, if only.

Goleman reminds us that we do need intelligence and that while it is necessary, it is not sufficient for success. We need more.

He talks about threshold abilities- what you need to get and keep the job. How you do relationships and your feelings matters more to identifying a star at work.

To paraphrase: The 5 components of EQ, are: 1) self-awareness 2) controlled anxiety 3) persistence (discipline and drive) & optimism 4) empathy and 5) smooth interactions with others (communication, collaboration and teamwork).

Lucky for us, these abilities can be learned and polished.

Here, in this blog, we will have a conversation about these skills and abilities and how to build them so that your relationships are more rewarding. As a counselor, who builds relationships and improves communication, I love teaching people how to do this even better at work.

Let me know what you think,

Don