Having good conversation is the mainstay of most adult relationships, except, well we don’t always follow rules for good conversation. So bad conversation is the norm. Try these techniques and tips to improve the interest level:
Neil Strauss calls this the loop:
“Before we get to that you'll never believe what just happened on my way here.”
Practice creating open loops and multiple threads
Deliver an opener and before you're done with the opener start another thread or another conversation. Why? Any open loop leaves the person anxious for resolution and wants to talk to you more.
Grab at the least obvious but most interesting hook.
Some people might start a value demonstration and then cut out early.
Now, the person needs closure and has to talk to me again.
Possible threads include an opener something about the environment, a spontaneous story, a value demonstration, or personality assessment.
Every major word in a paragraph can start a new thread and you hook them -can be a story a disqualification a thread or question. You tell part of the story without finishing it and you get them curious and our brains are wired to want to finish what we have started, whether it is a project or a story. Tell them part of it and change subjects. Now there are two things we can talk about next time.
Strauss suggests that you leave hooks in your own conversation:
"Back where I come from we don't do that kind of thing"
"That's probably true excepts in my line of work"
"There are three things I'm attracted to and other people, but I can't tell you the third because I don't know you well enough.""
"I'd like to share that with you. Sometime."
You got her attention and her brain wants to finish the story. Now she gets the chance finally to pursue you rather than you having to do the chasing.
Juggling multiple open loops in the conversation gives the correct impression you both have a lot to talk about.
"Hey maybe you can help us with this. Was there a fireman in the village people? By the way really quickly, before I get to that, I just noticed your bracelet. My sister just bought herself one like that for her birthday."
Creates instant rapport, prevents a fatal pause in conversation and leaves her with impression that you two have a lot to talk about.