The inner struggle is between getting to know me, me getting to know myself, and what do I project into the outside world?
Do I exile parts of myself that I do not like? For example, imagine as a young child she felt very vulnerable. Someone told her that she was too needy. That probably happens in peoples’ lives more than once. By the third time that someone said that she was too needy, she made the decision to not have needs.
At that point in her life, not having needs seemed like a good idea. When someone judges her for who she really is, she learns that who she is is not acceptable.
So she exiles a part of her that has needs. She learns not to rely on other people. She learns to not ask for her needs to be met.
Later in life, when she decides that she should ask to get her needs met, someone chooses not to meet those needs or tells her that she’s too needy again.
It reaffirms that she should not have needs. Now someone says, “be vulnerable with me. You can share your needs with me. “
There is no way that she’s going to trust that. She has learned to have a tough exterior, to be a tough person, to show her tough side, not her warm and fuzzy side or vulnerability.
That is a part of her that is acceptable and that people like, she has been telling herself.
That’s what she’s going to show the world. She’s not gonna show the soft, warm and tender side of herself. She might show glimpses of it. But it frightens her and makes her think that she will be rejected or taken advantage of.
Why would she willingly show somebody a part of her that would create rejection?