"Neither do we know why the self-esteem of girls drops markedly at ages 12 or 13 or why girls are more cooperative and involved in relationships (Gilligan, Lyons & Hanmer, 1990). Actually, interesting recent research indicates that the drop in math and science grades only occurs in girls from traditional families in which gender roles are emphasized and the mothers are assigned the child-rearing role. Girls in egalitarian families also spent seven more hours per week with their fathers than girls in traditional families. These findings are reported in Psychology Today, August, 1996, and based on Kimberly A. Updegraff's research as a graduate student at Penn State. Good fathering is important.
Men and women operate in two very different social worlds. Men are in an ongoing contest, competing with everyone by displaying their competence and skill. Why don't men ask for directions when lost? Because it puts them in a you-know-more-than-I-do position. Women are cautious but persistently seek intimacy; they want emotional support, cooperation, and praise. Given these different orientations, it is no wonder the sexes have trouble communicating!
Many men relish getting into lively arguments about politics, sports, or a professional issue. Like boys at play, men are establishing their place in the pecking order."
While we point out the differences in gender, I would also like to say that I am finding more and more sameness between genders as I do this counseling work. There are more style differences than gender differences. The idea is not to highlight the differences, it is to point out potential hurdles so that we can adequately prepare.
While watching the video Celestine Prophecy, I was reminded about sending energy. Both men and women thrive on energy and attention and appreciation. Imagine a society in which everyone got their fill of energy. We can do this for our partners. I can send my wife energy and she instantly feels better. She does the same for me and then I have more to send her. We can expand this and expand this. The movie highlights this at the end and the ironic part is that my wife does energy healing in which she sends energy to people. It is a great complement to the counseling practice and we are working on ways to bring this gift to more people.
Imagine opening your heart on a regular basis to your partner and feeling full of energy. It is a wonderful place from which to operate. It has great implications for relationships as well.
School starts up soon, so I look forward to more regular blog posting.
All the best,