Boice Counseling
  • Home
  • Retreats and Books
    • Books and Audio
    • Helpful Resources
    • Insurance/Costs
  • Services
  • News/Blog
  • Contact Us

Challenge: Impress No One

6/20/2013

0 Comments

 
Pay attention to your motivation.

Why did you just do what you did?

How often do we do things just to impress someone? How about to prove ourselves?

My challenge for you is this: Impress no one.

Be yourself, your full self and then you will impress others naturally and you won’t really care that they are impressed.
It will be irrelevant to you.
Impress no one with your clothes, your appearance, your possessions, your words or thoughts.

Relate to them honestly without needing to impress them.

Now, I challenge you to do this on Facebook, as well.

All the best,
Don
0 Comments

Letting Go

9/6/2012

0 Comments

 
Letting go is one of the hardest things to do. I want things the way I want them. I have strong preferences and I assume that my way is what is best for me. When I let go of the control, there is no telling how things will work out.

Being out of control can be scary to people, very scary. This often depends on what happened in their past when they were not in control.

Please look at your life and when it is easiest to let go of control and when it is hardest. Do you believe that life works out and things are going to be okay? If you do, you allow them to unfold, to happen organically. If you have had the experience that sometimes life really hurts you, you are more likely to push or pull or somehow manipulate to get your way.

Do a quick inventory of what is challenging in terms of letting go for you.


Of what do I need to let go?

Here are some of the ones I hear the most. I have put them in the masculine form, though I hear the same trends from women:

Closure-issues from my past, hers, ours

Am I still hung up on what’s her name, my first girlfriend?
Am I comparing my wife with ________?
Am I still thinking about you-know-who at inopportune times?
Does my wife know I still have contact with what’s her name?

Can I let go of the difficulty we had when we were first dating, or the miscarriage, the affair, that porn thing, the thing she said about me to her family/friends?

Do I need closure about that guy she was dating before we met, or the time I thought she was having an affair and she denied it, or that time she was traveling and when she got back, she talked in her sleep.

Everyone lets go or else sleep could not happen. We have plenty of practice at letting go. Exercise your letting go muscle and be mindful of what it feels like each time you let go. There can be a freeing quality to it or a sweet surrender.

Here is to a week of experimenting with letting go.

All the best,
Don
0 Comments

Too Busy to be a Spouse?

6/22/2012

0 Comments

 
I keep getting comments that go along this line-
Why does my husband/wife not have time for me? Why did we even get married, if he has to "fit me in?"

My quick reply is this and it may not be popular- If you have to "fit in" your spouse, your priorities are suspect. Whatever you think is important, you may need to revisit. If all your spouse is getting is leftovers, you may soon be an ex-spouse. If that happens, your priorities change rather quickly and sometimes not in your control. Obviously, I am oversimplifying to make a point.

Clarify what your values are and then live according to those values. If family is important to you, and you know the single most important thing in keeping the family together is your marriage, it stands to reason that you would work on your marriage proactively, before there were problems.

Instead, our ego gets in the way. "I am too important (busy) to do that," he thinks to himself. Then he rationalizes that it is more important to work that many hours than it is to spend quality time with his wife. When his wife starts cheating on him, or starts the divorce proceedings, he realizes that his logic stopped at a certain point.
Good luck working that many hours AND doing all the single parenting required when divorcing, oh yeah and the distractions that go along with divorce. Realistically, it is easier to stay married, spend time with your partner and reap the rewards of a good marriage. The price? Spend time with your spouse.

Look at your ego. When you are too busy, you are saying how important you are. When you are too busy for your spouse, the message is clear, "I am important and you are not." Try being on the receiving end of that message from your spouse and see how you respond.
0 Comments

Crazy Love by Steven Pinker

2/15/2012

1 Comment

 
_  This is also from Time Magazine February 2008    Crazy Love    by Steven Pinker

“People shop for the most desirable person who will accept them. We call this dating. Most marriages pair a bride and groom of roughly equal desirability. You choose to set up house with the best that you have found so far. Your mate has gone through the same reasoning, which leaves you both vulnerable.”

" Want to be more secure in your relationship? Choose someone who is emotionally committed to you because you are you not by your objective mate value. Then that emotion will not be changed when someone comes along with a higher mate value than you.”

1 Comment

    Don Boice
    Don Boice, LCSW-R, specializes in gender communication with couples in conflict.  

    _

    Archives

    January 2023
    December 2022
    November 2022
    October 2022
    September 2022
    August 2022
    July 2022
    June 2022
    May 2022
    April 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    December 2021
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    November 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    October 2012
    September 2012
    August 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012
    April 2012
    March 2012
    February 2012
    January 2012

    Categories

    All
    Building Relationships Improving Communication
    Communication
    Counseling
    Counselor
    Couples
    Couples Counseling
    Dating
    Emotional Intelligence
    Gender
    Gender Communication
    Goleman
    Jealousy
    Love
    Marital Counseling
    Relationships
    Resolutions
    Romance
    Soft Skills
    Time Magazine
    Training
    Valentine's Day

    RSS Feed

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.