Boice Counseling
  • Home
  • Retreats and Books
    • Books and Audio
    • Helpful Resources
    • Insurance/Costs
  • Services
  • News/Blog
  • Contact Us

Christmas is a Self-Inflicted Wound

12/20/2012

0 Comments

 
"Got any plans for the Holidays?" I asked
"Christmas is a Self-Inflicted Wound," she said.

We talked at length about how the expectations of her Christmas never matched the reality. We talked about how intense it was to be with family and how they had not healed from past wounds. And yet, every year, every one of them expected things to be better and that they would somehow get along.

How realistic are your expectations for being with your family? Do you know what your expectations are?

Martin Seligman, PhD, talks about how unrealistic optimists can be and how that can be a set up for huge disappointment. Likewise, preparing for the worst is not a good strategy, either. Prepare for what is likely to happen, acknowledging our own imperfections and those of others. Do not bury your head in the sand and do not prepare for something that is not likely to happen.

What is likely to happen for you this Holiday season?
Is there a way you can signal your loved ones that it is time to go?
Can you agree ahead of time to love one another in small doses?
Can you acknowledge that those of you who are introverts truly need alone time and no one needs to take that personally?
Can you choose your battles wisely and avoid the others?

No matter which Holiday (or none, I suppose) you acknowledge or celebrate, may it be a time of growth and joy for you
0 Comments

Trust or Trustworthy

12/13/2012

0 Comments

 
Trustworthiness is different from trust.

A couple’s mutual trust score indicates how deeply they are in this together and have one another’s back.

Trustworthiness indicates a partner’s willingness to sacrifice for the relationship, to put own needs on the back burner because the partnership matters most. they send each other the message that they and the partnership are unique and irreplaceable.

Sacrifice entails both people agreeing to give the romance priority over other goals and dreams. Likewise, there is a betrayal metric that calculates how unwilling each partner is to sacrifice for the other and the relationship.

When at least one partner rates low in trustworthiness, the relationship stumbles.

0 Comments

    Don Boice
    Don Boice, LCSW-R, specializes in gender communication with couples in conflict.  

    _

    Archives

    January 2023
    December 2022
    November 2022
    October 2022
    September 2022
    August 2022
    July 2022
    June 2022
    May 2022
    April 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    December 2021
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    November 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    October 2012
    September 2012
    August 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012
    April 2012
    March 2012
    February 2012
    January 2012

    Categories

    All
    Building Relationships Improving Communication
    Communication
    Counseling
    Counselor
    Couples
    Couples Counseling
    Dating
    Emotional Intelligence
    Gender
    Gender Communication
    Goleman
    Jealousy
    Love
    Marital Counseling
    Relationships
    Resolutions
    Romance
    Soft Skills
    Time Magazine
    Training
    Valentine's Day

    RSS Feed

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.