We Are Designed for Joy

Think about how humans are designed and how we have changed over the millennia. As it stands, we can get joy from many sources.

I enjoy a good meal, that is, when I taste my food. When I eat in front of the TV or while doing something else, I don’t enjoy my food. I must be present to win. When I really taste my food, and spend some time with it, chew it and luxuriate with it, well- it can be embarrassing. Someone once told me it felt like I was making love to my food. Oh dear. Well, it is joyful and we are designed to have joy, if we can allow ourselves to accept it. If I factor in snacks and at least three meals a day, that is a lot of joy.

Same thing for looking out my window. The beauty of a winter day, the silhouette of the leafless tree against the steel gray sky- wow. The big fluffy snowflakes wafting down. When I take the time to experience my world- I feel joyful. I feel grateful and even blessed. Other times, I take it for granted or I am in such a rush that I don’t even see, though my eyes appear to be open.

In the springtime, there are some incredible smells. I feel intoxicated by certain flowering trees. Again, we are designed for joy, happiness, pleasure.

Touch can bring pleasure as well. I’ll leave that one to your imagination, if that is okay.

Each of our five senses can bring joy to us, if we are living in the moment, aware and going slow enough to receive.

Do You Really Want to Be Happy?

Everyone says they want to be happy and most of us do nothing about it or we try for a few days and realize it takes a little bit of work to be happy and we give up.

There are some shortcuts and some ways to think about happiness that you are going to love. Let me share them with you, but you have to agree to try them for a full week. That is this blog’ s challenge.

Check out the laugh chain on YouTube. Watch it for at least five minutes. Check out Anthony Robbins on YouTube- The Swish Pattern. Try that several days in a row.

Smile. Yep, that simple. You can do it. No, you do not have to be happy in order to smile. As a matter of fact, that is considered following your feelings instead of leading your feelings. You are in charge of your feelings. Want to feel differently? You can change how you feel. Don’t like how you feel? Do something different. When you smile for at least 20 minutes a day, watch how long the feeling of happiness lasts. Try an experiment and see how many people you can influence to smile throughout your day. When you smile at someone, most humans smile back.

Plant seeds of joy in your mind and watch what grows. Plant seeds of guilt, anger, victimhood and watch what grows. What does that mean? Think about things in your life, your past that bring up feelings of joy. Think of something else joyful and happy. When you think about things that are joyful, you feel joy. When you think of how horrible the weather is and how dark and gray it is etc, how do you feel? So stop thinking of that. How much joy do you think you could handle today?

Everyone answers yes to that question, so let me drill down. Let me also say that I see patterns in my work and this week I have been overwhelmed by how little time people put into their relationship and still expect it to work well. I liken it to plowing snow. If the snow keeps falling, you have to keep plowing. It doesn't really matter that last year you plowed a bunch.


How much time do you spend on your relationship? Compare that to the time you spend on :
Your children 
Your family 
Your house work 
Your job 
Your food preparation, grocery shopping and clean up
Your hygiene

The most recent article I read said that Americans spend 4X more time grocery shopping each week than they do on  the relationship. Let's be honest with ourselves- our relationships are simply not a high priority. "There is too much to do," we tell ourselves.

Now compare what we have to do with our leisure time. How much time do you spend working out/exercising? Watching TV or shows/theatre etc? Checking FaceBook? 

You do have time to spend on your relationship, you do not allocate the time/resources to your relationship that you do have. You justify it in different ways, if you are like most of us, and then when it becomes a crisis you pay attention until the crisis is over. 

One good predictor of divorce is not showing appreciation, so how you spend the time you do have is important.

John Gottman, PhD spent a good deal of time figuring out how much time each week would be enough to keep a good relationship on track. It came out to 5 1/2 hrs a week. Chat about what is happening in your spouse's life today and everyday- at the beginning of the day and at the end of the day. Hug or kiss when leaving and reuniting. Do a date where you actually interact (using words) each week. Do the math and you'll find that 5 1/2 hrs is reasonable.


Sounds like a lot and yet compare it to the amount of time you spend watching TV or on-line etc. 

Can you do the bare minimum to keep your relationship viable? If you cannot do that, then please do not be surprised that your relationship suffers and will fail. Relationships are not maintenance free.