THE MEDIATION PROCESS
General Process
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· Initial intake – Lasts about an hour. Informational, no commitment. All the information is already on my website about the process, how it works and what to expect. (There is no need to do this step if you already know you want mediation and want it with me.)
· Divorce/Separation Mediation is generally, 3-4 sessions, 1 ½ - 2 hours each (can be more or less depending on individual circumstances)
Three main areas to resolve for Divorce and Separation Mediation:

1. Parenting: (if you have Children) Legal custody, physical residency, weekly schedule, holidays, vacations
2. Division of property: Assets and liabilities NYS requires you disclose all facts (income from all sources, assets including; real estate, businesses, retirement, etc. and all debt; mortgages, student loans, co-signed loans, personal loans, credit cards, etc.) NYS standard is Equitable (many couples trade off assets/liabilities) Tax implications
3. Support: Child (NYS Child Support Standards) Spousal (Temporary and Post-Divorce)

 · Writing of Memorandum of Understanding, MoU, is billed between 3-4 hours. NYS requires an agreement in writing for a separation or divorce.
· Review of MoU or other agreement- approximately 1 hour
 · MoU is given to each party and you take it to your attorney.
Note: The attorneys then work together to complete the filings with the court and the judge will ensure it meets the legal requirements to grant a divorce.
Payment requirements
· Payment is per session. Payment is due at each session.
Communication/ Neutrality
 · Communication must be known to all parties to avoid implication of non-impartiality. Emails must be copied to all parties involved.
· Substantially fair agreements
· Confidentiality
· Informed choices and decision making

​How Does Working With Don Boice Help You in Mediation?

Efficiency:
You work through conflict in a cost-effective way, putting the children’s needs as a priority, in a way that minimizes your pain. Don doesn’t want to drag it out any more than you do.

Quality of the Experience:
Don is a therapist-mediator. What that means is that he has worked with many couples since 1989 who were struggling with staying married, getting divorced, unsure and having a hard time communicating. He works with them to build relationships and improve communication so that no matter the outcome, they can be at the very least be civil, tactful and move forward. He continues to help clients navigate this process and develop positive co-parenting, when needed.

Mediation is not counseling and his goal would be to help you come up with a plan that is the best possible outcome for both of you.

He helps you talk your situation through in a way that each person is respected and no one has the upper hand or an unfair advantage. Couples feel respected, heard and understood- which ultimately prevents many conflicts from escalating. If the couple has a disagreement, there are ground rules that help it stay respectful. There are also ways to come back from a disagreement so as to not derail the gains made.

Additionally, Don has taught Conflict Resolution to many different audiences over the years, using the best research available. Don also has several CDs to help with anger management and letting go.

​Skills/ Future Oriented:
You will walk away with new or improved tools to continue good listening and tactful communication, resources to help you on your journey.
He will, however, encourage you to take responsibility for your life.
His primary purpose is to facilitate your voluntary agreement, not provide professional advice, no promises and not make guarantees of results.

Part of my goal is to protect you from a long term problem you could possibly create for yourself. What might that be?

Imagine making what looks like a reasonable decision. Ask yourself, “what if?”
“What could go wrong?”

On the face of it, if all goes right... you’re perfectly okay. That’s fine but most people are not trained to anticipate the “what if?”.


I’ve heard people walk away from retirement or spousal support or the house. You’re allowed to make that decision. Don’t do it without thinking it through. 


“I’ll be okay... “
What if you get hurt, maybe even a disability- car accident, heart attack, death of spouse, or what if your spouse gets laid off?- essentially, you walk through the process to make sure everyone is protected. We can’t anticipate all the “what if” scenarios; no one can. Looking at it from the outside, we could add yet another protection.

As a mediator, I recommend experts take a look at your final decisions before anything is signed.

Have a financial expert make sure your financial/ tax interests are protected. It’s a new set of eyes and a different perspective and ultimately you still get to make the decision. You have veto power and can now make a more informed decision.

A lawyer makes sure that legally you are covered, legal loopholes are closed.

And a counselor helps you emotionally walk through the emotion draining process of divorce while making sound decisions, not emotionally reactive decisions. Your counselor helps you get the courage to keep your heart open and face fears so they don’t have power over you.

My recommendation is to have as a mediator, someone who understands emotions and has empathy. They guide the entire process with these other professionals consulting, as needed.