I need your ideas. I’ve been asked to do a presentation for people who want more spark in their relationship.

What do you do when your relationship loses its spark?

What are some things you do to fan the flames?

What is the most romantic thing someone has done for you?

What is the most romantic date you’ve planned or been on?

When you're really attracted to somebody, how do you know? In other words, what signals do you get from yourself, inside, that allow you to realize that you are attracted?

Don’t want to put it here? E-mail me at donboice@boicecounseling.com or text me at 585 802-1273

​Thank you in advance,
Don

We fear being left alone, neglected and abandoned. Will you be there for me?
     Susan Johnson, PhD calls it the Attachment Channel. She talks about the fact that so many couples do not believe that their partner is there for them. They want connection and attachment. They want to know that their partner has their back, that their pain matters to the partner. She talks about relentless empathy and tuning into the felt experience of the other person in the relationship. "When you hurt, it matters to me."
     She goes on to tell the story of someone who so desperately wanted to know if the partner would be there for her, that she faked her own suicide. The partner heard the noises and came to the basement 6 minutes later. She got her answer.
     Emotionally mature couples can tolerate the feelings, even when they are intense. They know their inner landscape and can navigate it well. They can put a coherent frame on the experience so that it benefits the situation. Sometimes it is easier to stay behind your wall than to engage your partner and feel the desperation of yet again being ignored. Not better, just easier   It is easier to shut down than to feel, to numb out rather than engage, at least short term.
     My challenge to you is to ask yourself what it is that you do that makes it easier for your partner to engage, to know that you are there for them.