Someone recently was joking about making money and ways to do it. She hit upon a way to do it and we had a few good laughs.

She notes that most women say they want cuddling and they complain that the man in their life is not a cuddler. She joked that whomever rented themselves out as a "cuddler" would make quite a bit of money. People love to be touched, well, many people do. People love to sit on the couch and cuddle and there are tons who have no one for cuddling. No sexual intent, no romance, just simple touch/cuddling.

Hmmm

More ideas from the juncture of love and spirituality. Let me know what you think:

Love and patience are connected. When I develop patience, I am more loving.

What are your obstacles to loving others? If you can list them, name them, then you can work to remove them.

Pay attention to that which matters. What matters, or is important? Not much. We take ourselves a bit too seriously at times.

What arises in your mind is reflected in the world. We do not see things as they are. We see things from our perspective, always seeming to reinforce our preconceived notions- proving ourselves right. If you do not like what you see in the world, consider what you are seeing is an illusion. It appears real, seems real, but is not totally real.

Face your fears about love and trust. You will find that you love more openly and deeply and that trust is an inside job.

We create our own reality. What reality are you creating?

I just got back from a wonderful retreat to remove obstacles to compassion. I thought I was fairly compassionate and found multiple ways I can be more compassionate than I even realized.
For example:
Imagine seeing your spouse through God's eyes.
Imagine seeing yourself through God's eyes.

This one continues to challenge me and it is the cornerstone of counseling-Your mind is a mirror and reflects whatever you have in your mind. If you are angry at someone, consider that your anger is an internal mindset. You wrote the computer code in your brain, so that anger is yours. You can change the code, just don't blame someone else for making you angry. You are responsible for your feelings and your reactions.  There is no “other”. When you are mad, you are mad at yourself.  Once you are perfect, you can focus on fixing your partner.

Your feelings are impermanent. They change, like everything else. When you base a big decision solely on feelings, know that at some point soon your feelings will change and you will regret your decision.

Open your heart to people rather than defend yourself. When you defend your heart against getting hurt, you also block the other feelings from reaching you. You numb yourself.

More to come.

What sort of questions do people bring to counseling? Here is a composite of several couples throughout the years.

Dear Couples Counselor

My wife says she is not controlling. She tells me how to do things step by step by step. I am perfectly capable of doing many of these things myself, as evidenced by living on my own before we met. She has a preference that I do it her way. I do not do anything the way she does things and she does not do anything the way I do. We are very different.

I ask to do some things together so that we have a sense of partnership. She gets upset and tells me to do the whole thing. I don’t get it. I want to know how we do the bills. Do I have the right to ask how we do the bills or to see how much money we have coming in and going out? Am I wrong for wanting to be a partner in that process? I would not know because she refuses to do it with me. We might be quite compatible doing it, but I may never know.

She wants me to do more around the house, as long as I do it the way she wants it done. I think she needs to let go of the controls a bit if she wants some help. If she does not give up the reins, then she loses the right to complain or take on the victim role in my book.

We’ve talked about it and she either wants to be done with it entirely and give me the chore or have me do it exactly the way she wants it. I think there are more options that could be considered.

When I bring something like that to her attention, she gets really defensive and offended that I could possibly ask it. It is as if the question itself is offensive. It feels like she is backing me off. I have to apologize at some really weird points, I feel. It just does not seem right that she is over-reacting, in my opinion, and I am wrong about that as well.

My response to this couple would depend on the context of the counseling at this point in the relationship. There are obviously many things happening at once and prioritizing which battles to fight is hard. They all need to be addressed and addressing one might sidetrack us from another one.

What are your thoughts for this couple?