On Match.com “When a woman hits the “Interested” button, should I ask her out?”

The interested button is there to indicate interest in starting a conversation, which could possibly lead to dating. Here is how I have seen it work: Send her a message. She replies. Send another message. She replies. Send her a message and give her your phone number to either text or call and she will likely either reciprocate or continue messaging. (Same holds true for a “wink” or a “favorite”)
 
“She ‘favorited’ me and then would not reply to my very first message. It wasn’t creepy or anything, perhaps boring. What should I do?”

It’s good that she expressed an interest. There is no telling why she stopped communicating. I have heard from some women that they want a man to fight for them and work for it (yes, that is a game). I have heard others say that she will contact you if she is interested. Maybe something happened at work, or with family or with an old boyfriend, who knows? Personally, chasing someone at this stage does not appeal to most men.
 
What is a good first date for someone you met on-line?

Good is the usual- meet at a coffee shop. It signals that you are not trying very hard, playing it really safe. Plan on 45 minutes to 90 minutes. Be the one to signal you are ready to leave, that you have places to be and are important. Unless, unless it is going so well, that you then order food or leave there and go to another place together (each driving your own car for safety reasons) and hang out. “I know this great place that serves…. Wanna come with me?”

Great is asking her to a place she noted in her profile she loved and that is also physically/emotionally safe. Usually, if she asks you, “You’re not a serial killer, are you?” that is indicating that she might feel unsafe with the location or with you at this time. If you are a serial killer, you are compelled by law to tell her.

Meet at the pier, out in public and do something to make it a little special. Bring a bottle of wine for an impromptu picnic, bring a candle to roast marshmallows or do the whole s’more thing.

Best date idea? Air Hockey at Adventure Landing for a woman who mentioned air hockey in her messages. It is safe, fun, memorable and she’ll either think you are a riot or that you have never grown up. So, a little risky.
 
Do I give her a kiss at the end of the first date?

Yes, absolutely, if, and only if, there is an obvious signal from her to do so. If you have to guess, or are not certain, do not do it. People feel very strongly about this. Or heck, you could try the old fashioned approach and talk about it.

“You’re wondering whether you should kiss me, right?” the man asked the woman. She was taken off guard and said, “No.”

“I mean, if you want to kiss me, I’m okay with that. But I’m okay waiting another date. I may be a flirt, but I’m not promiscuous.” He finishes.
She reaches over and kisses him.

I’ve seen people intentionally create sexual tension and play with it as part of their flirting. They kinda lean in close while they are talking and then lean in a little further, waiting for the woman to do a little bit of the work for a kiss. If the woman fails to lean in at all, no kiss. Or they look from eye to eye then to the lips and gently bite their own lower lip.
There’s a signal. Other non-verbal signals include increased respiration, dilated pupils, touching, increased heart rate (for those of you with a pulse oximeter with you).

​Don’t make it a big deal. Act like you have kissed before and you are not desperate for a kiss balancing the desire for a kiss, of course.

Be your own person, with your own sense of humor, not a replica of someone who is funny. That’s what makes you alpha, being your own person, self-assured enough to know you are enough. “Never do what everyone else does,” Strauss suggests, “The smile is the number one characteristic.”

Let her know you are okay with her chasing you. Do some banter, some teasing and playing and some ignoring. Yeah, we’ve all heard, “I don’t have time for games” and then they respond beautifully to the games. We all play games. All.
Yep. Well, except single people. Ouch!

Want a nice flirt? Tell someone something about themselves that they don’t see. I’ve seen this work with palm reading and psychic reading or just being gut level honest. Note: If she doesn’t like you, or see you as attractive,  this will help her get to know the real you and when your value to her rises, your attractiveness rises.

I would not suggest this and yet it worked for someone- He told her to kiss him goodbye and he pointed to his cheek. She was already attracted to him and kinda liked a guy who took charge and told her what to do. She’s always in charge at work and doesn’t want to be the decision maker at home, as well.

​Men compete for women all the time, to get their attention and they are the gatekeepers. “You have to act like you are the prize and she’d be lucky to have you. How do you pull that off without being arrogant? You have good conversational skills, great stories, a fun-loving outlook, are not uptight and your value goes way up.”

“I was really impressed with how gentlemanly I was tonight. I didn’t even try to kiss you and make a move. I was a perfect gentleman. Go ahead, ask me in for a nightcap,” He said, “ See what I do.”

“Okay. Want to come in for a nightcap?”

“I’d love to. ..Shoot, up to that point I was doing really well!”
From “Parks and Recreation”

Folks, we simply are not flirting well and giving clear signals of interest. Our inner conflict about being vulnerable and asking, not to mention receiving, gets in our way. Let’s be playful and fun with one another, not taking ourselves so doggone seriously!

I also suggest you not “false flirt.” Imagine someone telling you that you are the most romantic man ever, that you took their breath away, they love your smile and your eyes and how you kissed, had you stay overnight (no sex, but good cuddling) and three days later said they want to be friends because the chemistry just isn’t right. I’ve heard this exact story a few times recently.

If you know the chemistry is suspect, perhaps having the guy stay overnight is misleading and I would suggest you have a conversation about it and be gut level honest.

Seeking

​Someone came in for counseling and they were toying with the idea of not dating, just living. Not actively pursuing dating opportunities, but if one showed up and gained their interest, they would entertain it. In other words, they were okay being by themselves, no desperation or neediness.

Would you be surprised that this person found success fairly easily? Would you be surprised to read that not needing to date or not needing another person to complete them was attractive to others?

When you are at peace with yourself, you know yourself well and have plumbed the depths of your soul, you have different needs, wants and preferences.

​That which you are seeking is causing you to seek. When you stop seeking, your energy is different.

 Holding hands
Some people have even stronger feelings about hand holding than they do about kissing. “Holding hands in public indicates you are a couple,” she said. “It’s something you do only after you’ve been pretty intimate.” Another woman said, “Holding hands is great. It is about feeling connected and getting closeness. I do it with friends, with family and with people I date. It feels good.”
How often do you hold hands? How often do you cuddle with your partner- hug, hold one aonther, spoon, give back rubs etc? Everyone has their own preference on this. I know people who are all over one another and other couples who rarely touch. As long as it works for both parties, it doesn’t matter really which way you go. Negotiate what you want, ask for it. Is it a deal breaker?