You can’t not communicate, even in silence. You are making a point, whether or not the person understands your point correctly. I loved this, ask the person “How would you like me to interpret your statement?” (Or behavior, for that matter) That takes away guesswork.
You take 6 hours to reply to a text when I know you are free and not doing anything. You are communicating something and it is unclear to me. Perhaps there is a reason that escapes me. I have an idea, but I have been wrong before when mind reading. I don’t want to overthink it and I want to read between the lines for those among us who are indirect.
There’s guesswork even when I attempt to clarify. At what point is there responsibility on your side to also communicate?
“Hey, I’d like to take you out for coffee.”
If it takes you two days to respond, then I don’t have any further interest in coffee or conversation.
You are telling me how you will communicate with me. You are giving me information and I can now make some choices with that information. I will check it out with you first and I will make sure I understand and then I have the option to keep playing this game or not.
If I am leading the conversation and doing the heavy lifting and you’re barely responding, what is in it for me? There’s no payoff that is worth it, in my experience.
Then you’re curious why I stepped back from communicating? Are you unsure, really?
Just put yourself in my shoes and remove the uncertainty. Don’t pretend that you are interested when your behavior is clear. Be honest and direct and when asked a direct question, don’t lie. It is hard to bounce back from the cynical perspective, when the person finds out it was a lie. It is hard not to apply that to the next person when the behavior is identical.
I ask a question and you don’t answer. It is your turn. I’m not texting again until you respond. You seem to be playing by a completely different set of rules and I don’t have the patience or willingness to learn the game you’re playing.
It is not worth it in my opinion. You have to be offering a ton in order to keep my attention. You want me to convince you to date me? I have seen that work twice in 31 years of counseling. That strategy has a low success rate and the amount of work is usually not worth what you get.
You have a ton to offer, you’re just not offering it.
Walk me through who is willing to do the amount of work necessary to reach you and why they do the work.