I would like to introduce Kelly Thom to you- Highly recommend combining healing with counseling.
Here are excerpts from my talk with her:

How do my clients benefit from a referral to you?
Reiki promotes relaxation, assists in the body’s natural healing processes, and aids in developing emotional, mental, and spiritual well-being. After a session with me, your clients will likely experience inner peace and calm, develop better sleep patterns, have less fatigue, and let go of old unhealthy habits or pain patterns of thought and behavior — to see an overall improvement in their well-being. I strive to blend the world of science with alternative and holistic medicine.  My goal is to nurture the personal transformation and spiritual development of those seeking to live more joyful, empowered, inspired lives.

Does Reiki work well with counseling?
Reiki and counseling are very effective concurrently. Reiki allows clients to ground and be fully present in their bodies, listening to what the body, mind and soul are disclosing and manifesting as symptoms of anxiety and depression.  Reiki promotes a practice of clients becoming more self-aware to their physiological and energetic needs and provides a means to address care and healing. When clients experience this gentle energy healing technique they feel a reduction in stress, restoration of balance, culminating in a calm state of mind, and accelerating the body's natural healing abilities. Shifting and balancing your energy with Reiki combined with effective counseling can transform your life.

Why should I choose you over other Reiki People? (Competitive advantage)
I offer a very unique and gentle yet powerful approach to deep healing through safe, natural healing techniques. I am a Masters prepared Registered Nurse since 2009 caring for people with chronic and acute illnesses in mainly cardiac medicine and oncology. As a Reiki Practitioner I combine my knowledge of the physiology of the human body and disease processes with my Reiki training to help those seeking to optimize their well-being. I treat you like I would expect to be treated myself, with honesty, fairness and the strictest confidentiality.  It is my honor to assist you in releasing negative, heavy energies that have previously kept you stuck, and empower you on your journey of personal transformation and spiritual development.

What value does a client take away from a session with you?
Through offering unlimited Reiki sessions and Reiki Training, I have made it my divine mission to bring clarity, peace and purpose to every client. I will assist you to safely integrate mind, body and soul to align with your true purpose in life. My goal is to guide you to discover your own healing power by helping you to see what may be sitting in your blind spot that is causing energetic or life imbalance. It is every intention of mine to inspire you to heal and walk away a different you, a healthier and happier version of you.
 
My Ideal client is:
My ideal client is someone looking for energetic healing in a safe and nonjudgmental environment and to experience deep transformation that leads to profound changes in one’s life.
 
What is Reiki?
Reiki is a form of energetic healing created by Japanese Buddhist and spiritual teacher, Dr. Mikao Usui, in the early 20th century. “Rei” translates to Universal and “Ki,” life force. Reiki is administered in the Usui tradition by a practitioner who channels Universal Life Force energy to a particular person, object, or event. Reiki is a meditative practice that can induce deep relaxation, relieve emotional stress, promote positive mental state and improve overall well-being. Reiki is used only for the recipient’s highest and greatest good.

Tell the reader about yourself:
Kelly (Thom) DeFrees, MS RN, has been a Registered Nurse for over 12 years and has extensive experience in cardiac medicine and oncology. Kelly completed her Reiki training in 2014 and strives to integrate science with alternative and holistic medicine. Kelly challenges herself to move Reiki beyond just stress-relief and relaxation and take it to the next level of complete life transformational healing.  Kelly is passionate about helping her clients live in true alignment by discovering a harmony of the mind, body, and soul.  With an eclectic and powerful blend of her education, life wisdom, and intuitive insight, Kelly guides her clients to learn, grow, and transform. 

Call her directly and set up a time to relax, be healed and start the next leg of your healing journey. 585.721.5215

Testimonials
“She really woke me up. I didn’t even know that i was asleep. I can’t thank her enough for helping me get unstuck. Being a therapist is emotionally hard at times and she showed me how to take better care of my energy so as to not drain myself. It is like massage for the emotions. You’ve gotta try it with her. “ Don Boice (Counselor)

Referral Testimonial
“I was looking for someone after my client requested Reiki. Kelly made the referral easy, i knew my client was in good hands, Kelly communicated with me , as needed, about the referral. She is easy to work with and my client came out having shifted her energy. She instilled confidence every step of the way."

Interested in training in Reiki or bringing her into your organization to train your staff to do Reiki? Give her a call!
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Have you ever had one of these experiences?


I tell you my perspective and instead of no or yes or taking responsibility, or validation-the response is “you do it, too”.


I am really not sure what to do with this and i shut down because that’s a conversation killer. No need to keep talking if I’m dismissed. I hear that as a back off or stop the talking then you’re bothered by me not talking.


Not sure why you’re saying what you’re saying and you won’t tell me but I’m labeled as shutting down. Never did understand that perspective.


I had to prompt you to listen. You struggled letting me have the floor or expressing my opinion. That’s not really my issue to address. I have to address my response to your issue.


There are some things that seem to me could only be resolved by talking. We set up talking then didn’t do what was agreed upon. What was the point of agreeing upon them if not even two sentences in, it is not followed? I don’t get that.

​How do you respond when this experience occurs?

“When you’ve hurt someone, even if you don’t think what you did was sufficient to hurt, or ill intentioned, can you give a heartfelt apology with describing how you’re ensuring that it will not happen again? I would find that reassuring if you did that with me.”

Okay, we’re getting closer to deep communication. What if the speaker had said, “When I feel hurt and tell you that I feel hurt, could you give me full empathy?”

​That is expressing a need, without accusing or telling her about her actions.

“Sometimes when I talk, I feel like I am not fully heard or understood. I really value feeling understood.”

Compare that with, “Can you not do the things that emasculate?”

The first statement talks about my need, I tell you about me. I describe rather than label.

​The second statement is accusing her of emasculating (which may be true, but the delivery means she is unlikely to hear me. If I want to be heard, I should try telling her in a way that can be heard.) In other words, I am telling her about her. I am defining and labeling what she is doing.

​Do You Know What You Need?

“What do I need? I need to feel safe in conversation with you. I need to not walk in with my hands ready to defend myself from a direct hit. I need to have faith that you’ll watch what you say and do the work of not saying hurtful things to me.”

The reply, “You are too sensitive.”

“You asked me what I need and I told you. You defended yourself by calling me too sensitive instead of listening to the needs. Perhaps I can work on how I express my needs, if something I said hit a nerve. Maybe I was doing a micro attack.”

​Imagine asking for your needs and having a conversation that goes deeper.

How do you set up your relationship to fail?
​
Please note, this list is not exhaustive. These are the most common ones. This is not a challenge or a dare to come up with more creative ways to destroy your relationship.
 
The goal here is to protect my ego and my feelings
 
1 I will never give benefit of the doubt to anyone. I will always assume the worst about my partner.
 
2 my default will be that I am un safe , under attack and my partner is trying to hurt me.
 
3 I will be sure not to express my appreciation and gratitude. Guaranteeing my partner does not feel stronger in a power struggle.
 
4 I will express fondness and be affectionate only to get what I want and I will always anticipate the same from my partner.
 
5 I will talk poorly about my partner to my family and friends and either downplay or omit my contributions and responsibility to any negative situation.
 
6 rather than directly say “ouch that hurts” -I will make my partner hurt so they feel my pain as intensely as I feel it.
 
7 I will hide and avoid self disclosure and then I will hold a grudge that my partner does not know me.
 
8 I will avoid necessary conflict and instead I will withdraw.
 
9 I will speak in a condescending tone while criticizing my partner and then feign surprise when my partner gets defensive.
 
10 I will tell them how unlovable they are.
 
11 because of my fear that my partner will not love me if they actually did know me, when my partner reaches out for comfort, support or just to connect, I will push them away, runaway, fight, hide or ignore them.
 
12 I will make sure I get my needs met first, because, well you never know... if my partner has needs I will call them “ridiculous” or “needy”
 
13 I will withhold sex and affection and comfort when they really want to feel loved. When they are telling me how important it is , I will make them beg for what they need. I will only miserly let them have what I think they should have. I will not listen and support them and I won’t show them that I value the relationship- in a way that they understand.
 
14 I will humiliate them when possible.
 
15 I will accuse and criticize when I start almost any conversation.
 
16 I will blame them for everything wrong.
 
17 I will refuse to improve the relationship by reading, watching YouTube going to counseling.
 
18 I will have fun with my friends but not with my partner.
 
19 I will have other people that I can go to if this relationship doesn’t work out. I will have reservations.
 
20 I will make sure my partner knows that I’m not investing in this relationship. I don’t think it is worth investing -whenever I see them not investing.
 
21 I will always have 1 foot out the door.
 
22 I will threaten divorce as often as I can.
 
23 I don’t know how to say that I hurt. I will blame you and be mean to you rather than tell you that I’m hurting inside. I would like for you to translate that in your head and know that I am hurting without having to be vulnerable and tell you that directly.

Helpful articles/videos for relationships (continued)

https://lnkd.in/dwW2R-D
Impact of physiological flooding - Dr Julie Gottman

https://lnkd.in/dc4PywB
How to Repair after conflict- Gottman research

https://lnkd.in/dPTveTk Trust revival- affair- Both Gottmans


https://lnkd.in/dj8M7rr
Attunement- Gottman and Johnson Research


Aftermath of a Regrettable Incident- Gottman

https://lnkd.in/dAWDMWR
State of the Union -weekly meeting (yes, every single week that you are married) to clear the air and celebrate the relationship - proven way to prevent relapsing into poor relationship habits-Gottman


https://lnkd.in/dJFQhVZ
Stress-Reducing Conversation each day- learn how to lean on one another for support and practice your listening skills

https://lnkd.in/dRMvjVc
How much do you value your relationship with your partner? Do your actions match your words?https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-horsemen-recognizing-criticism-contempt-defensiveness-and-stonewalling/
Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse- Gottman- no hitting below the belt


https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-sound-relationship-house-build-love-maps/
Are you learning more about your partner all the time? Updating your knowledge and asking questions to know them even better?


https://youtu.be/1F5-YwxlATA video on sound relationship house- building block of Gottman Counseling
https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-horsemen-recognizing-criticism-contempt-defensiveness-and-stonewalling/
Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse- Gottman- no hitting below the belt


https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-sound-relationship-house-build-love-maps/
Are you learning more about your partner all the time? Updating your knowledge and asking questions to know them even better?


https://youtu.be/1F5-YwxlATA video on sound relationship house- building block of Gottman Counseling

​Here are some articles and videos that might be super helpful for you, if you’re interested in how to earn better communication skills and update your thinking about healthy relationships. I prefer evidence based information , the tried and true rather than experimental opinions.
 
 
https://youtu.be/ib7Ain2aVR0
Turning toward video
 
https://youtu.be/o1v6j_4_NtQ
Blueprint for healthy conflict- Gottman Research
 
https://www-thebehavioraltherapycollective-com.cdn.ampproject.org/c/s/www.thebehavioraltherapycollective.com/blog/2019/1/24/the-secret-to-love-is-kindness-and-validation-using-the-give-skill-and-validation-to-improve-relationships?format=amp
Kindness and validation
 
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/sustainable-life-satisfaction/202007/how-face-adversity-and-become-more-hopeful
Tolerate difficulty
 
https://youtu.be/bShsyKUFjKE How to Complain without hurting your partner
 
https://youtu.be/7xwOZVRK_B8 Flooding- Gottman research
 
https://youtu.be/zVzTD22fQM4 Fondness and Admiration- Gottman research
 
https://youtu.be/y4EJuXyH8To Masters of relationship (1 hour)- Gottman

Can Your Marriage Survive an Affair? part 5
 
Relapse Prevention
Phase out therapy
 
How do you make certain that you will stay on track? Try doing the State of the Union every single week and you are significantly more likely to stay on track.
 
Let’s be honest with one another. You will feel awful at some point in the future and lonely in the relationship at some point. These are inevitable, which is why you should plan for it.
 
What do you do when there’s a potential situation in which it would be hard to use your new communication skills? Prepare for hard situations then you can anticipate.
 
*I have been counseling since 1989, have a Master’s Degree from the University of Pennsylvania and have done a few years of Continuing Education Classes on Couples at Harvard. My education is highly important to me, I am always reading and learning and my clients benefit from my dedication to getting the best education available.

​*I completed another 17 hour training Designed and Presented by John Gottman, Ph.D. and Julie Gottman, Ph.D. What I love about their training is that it is evidence based and they give handouts for us to share with clients.
I’ve taken multiple trainings with them, read their books and watched their YouTube channel. So many wonderful resources from the world’s leading researchers.