Feelings do not happen to us. Feelings do not happen in a vacuum and that is a good thing.
Feel them
Feel those feelings if you want to heal faster. The feelings exist regardless of whether you acknowledge them.
Learn how to feel them instead of avoiding them.
Learn how to change feelings and distract momentarily before going back to them.
Change the story
Most often, the stories we tell ourselves create feelings. We wire ourselves and make associations. You can change the story to change the feelings.
Here is one technique to deal with feelings that may feel unbearable right now. Over time, with exposure to the feelings, your response will shift. Your brain will wire differently as you do the tapping and remembering.
Try it with a therapist if you have serious trauma. If it is run of the mill trauma, try it now.
Trauma Technique: Bilateral Tapping (part of EMDR- trauma therapy)
Some people, while they’re thinking about the affair, tap using bilateral stimulation.
That means tapping on one leg with one hand and tapping on the other leg with the other hand. You tap in a rhythmical, alternating fashion.
As you’re talking and thinking about the affair, you tap left right left right left right. You brain will calm down within minutes. It is hard to escalate feelings while you are doing this. Your brain is using more of its capacity and balancing thoughts and feelings.
As you are talking about the affair or the details, thinking about it and simultaneously tapping, your body rewires the connections.
It stops perceiving it as an imminent threat.
You are then able to think more clearly and do your threat assessment.
Sometimes after the trauma of an affair, everything looks like a threat and that is not a fun experience. This tapping is used for trauma in many emergency fields. It can be done anywhere at anytime.
Experiment:
Try this tapping for 10 minutes while thinking about your relationship.
Experiment:
Try tapping for 30 minutes while thinking about the affair and what impact it had on your relationship.
Difficult emotions and taking responsibility is the title of this audio:
https://archive.org/details/dfficult-emotions-gratitude-im-right-youre-wrong-you-do-it-too-taking-responsibility
Did you know that people freely give attention to those who nurture and support them? I challenge you to nurture and support those around you in ways that are meaningful to them.
I would ask my clients to please let me know if you use my blog to continue the growth between sessions. It can be another resource for you.
Thank you for joining me today and I look forward to spending more time together in the future.
Thank you for subscribing,
Don Boice, LCSWR
“The go- to guy for conflict”