Specific suggestions for your communication process:
How to have a better fight/argument: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AH9YvDiOz2o
Nonviolent communication is so powerful as a connector, please consider using it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JBjKvvHEvlk
How to tell the children: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1RW7mwsx1yI
How feelings work: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xBrUzXM64NU
Can you clarify to improve your communication: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RZ-FDA3jCOI
Validating your partner for effective communication: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P8AiO1t7VEA
Getting your needs met: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1KKgdneFrkQ
 
 Topics From Game Theory That Apply to Mediation:
Don’t get tricked into fighting: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=opmNL35zKio
Nash Equilibrium is the highest win-win: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bl6Yb5Kd4bY
Bayes Rule for conflict: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R4hmm0BYKjA
Don’t make it into win-lose: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zVLe1Z2lRgs
Process Standards- do we both have buy-in: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XIhy_cUYcZg
 
Topic Areas Within Mediation
College Expenses: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sUgLxTqfynA
Equitable Distribution of Assets in mediation: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZQv_wR9EB9w
Child support concepts: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vgUUiuvysD4
The Parenting Plan (formerly called custody) and schedule: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D-zEQCY9uHU
Talking about your ex: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ivbkVmjFec
Talking about money: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_NhUtu7y798
Talking about taxes and implications during the process of divorce: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bt24Si1kMog
Ideas for your Budget during mediation: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FbOQpaCxJe4
Step kids and kids; how to have the conversations: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mwZG_ZOmYOw
Talking about the chores: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kg2xWRWofi0
​

Is Mediation Right For Us?
I have put together some information, as a Divorce Mediator, as well as a Couples Counselor:
Inspiration to listen before you go to mediation: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yoD8fHN_BVQ
Should I mediate: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bJDfpAJZphU
Before you mediate (good food for your mind) : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2aIAQvp2hR4
Goal of protection during Mediation: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vlAMfVome5g
Practical Prep for Mediation: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GcJwz916Sm4

Think about who you want to mediate your divorce process.

Who do you trust guiding you and having your best interests?

Think about the personality of the person and how well they “play with others.” Is your mediator someone humble enough that she/he knows they need to forever continue their education, and give back to the field or is it the person who is a lone wolf or hypercompetitive?

Do you want someone who is willing to give information out for free or hoard it?

Is it someone who has a “one size fits all” approach?

​Is it someone who can get you connected to experts or the person who thinks they know all the aspects of divorce process?

Do you want someone who knows the topics but can also deal with your feelings?

Do you want someone who is warm and fuzzy and can be empathetic?

Do you want someone whose office returns your calls?

​My self talk is “ if she expects me to open up at all after that... no way. She expects me to do the heavy lifting and she doesn’t do her work. Her strategy can’t possibly work effectively with me or with any other long term relationship. If she’s not going to be open and honest about her inner workings despite me repeatedly asking and modeling, it’s like she’s asking to get paid for full time work but only works part time. It’s not fair or emotionally honest. “
 
How many of us have been in relationships where one person does the majority of the work with emotions? They maybe want something for nothing or are a bit on the lazy side? If you want an adult healthy relationship, then you have to have some bravery and courage. You have to let your partner know who you are.

Another couple, she says, “It seems like you’re hiding from me and using words to hide. It’s like that stealth bomber and how it distracts and focuses the attention away from the aircraft. It doesn’t feel direct or genuine and hinders my ability to know you (intimacy is that you want to know me and be known). Yet you tell me you want me to know you. That’s a strong message but it’s a mixed message.”
 
She is not sure if he really wants to be known or if he is happy with the current depth of the relationship. She wants emotional connection, not just words, but words that connect them.


​How would you proceed if you were in this conversation?