Many couples have at least one partner who shoves emotions down. They learned to do emotions that way or maybe no one taught them, they picked it up from TV and the movies.
When people don’t share emotions, it is not like they go away, they just come out sideways.
They might not speak up or not do nice things or say nice things. Sometimes, they might not even want to talk to you.
Different people express their love, and receive their love, in different ways. It might be through a back rub or a foot rub. Or if they are hurt, they won’t tell you.
Not every partner is looking for deep conversation or even deep connection. You might be desperately attempting to connect and they feel satisfied at the current level of connection. Talking about these differences is vital.
Some people prefer to have fun and skip the heavy conversation. For others, the deep conversation is the connection they long for. So “don’t take life too seriously, but have some depth to your conversations” might be one way to compromise on this.
Gottman talks about the bidding process. You are asking someone to acknowledge that you spoke, that you exist, that you are not invisible. When people acknowledge these bids, it feels good and increases the odds of staying in relationship.
What would you guess happens when someone has repeatedly attempted to connect and their partner doesn’t accept the attempts?