From Mindset by Carol Dweck PhD
​“Character is an important concept in the sports world, and it comes out of a growth mindset. Think about times you've needed to reach deep down inside in difficult sports matches. Think about the growth mindset of champions and how they do it. 
 
What could you do next time to make sure you're in a growth mindset in the pinch?
Athletes with the growth mindset find success in learning and improving, not just winning. The more you can do this, the more rewarding sports will be for you and for those who play them with you.”

​Those with a growth mindset keep on learning, they alter their strategy based on the feedback and throughout this grueling task they maintain a healthy sense of confidence, they don't need to affirm they're superior and they do not need to set up the company to fail when they leave.  What better testament to your own personal greatness than if the place falls apart after you leave?
 
The great leaders said they did not set out to be leaders. They were interested in improving themselves. They just did what they loved with tremendous drive and enthusiasm and it led to it. They didn't  need to prove that they were somebody; they did not need to display superiority, they did not need to use their subordinates to feed this, they knew that they need to develop their workers and they did not sacrifice their companies to this ego, they did not cling to the idea that they were different.

​Mindset by Carol Dweck PhD
The author writes "My husband and I had been together almost a year and, as my birthday approached, I sent a clear message "I am not mercenary, but I like a good present."
 
He said "isn't it the thought that counts?"
I replied "that is what people say when they don't want to put thought into it." "Once a year," I continued, "we each have our day. I love you and I plan to put time and effort into choosing a present for you. I would like for you to do that for me too."
 
He has never let me down.
 
She continues, referring to the blame game-
"When you fail at other tasks, it is hard to keep blaming someone else. But when something goes wrong in a relationship, it is easy to blame someone else. In fact, in the fixed mindset you have a limited set of choices. One is to blame your own permanent qualities. And one is to blame your partner’s. You can see how tempting it is to foist the blame on to the other person. "

So, can we meet beyond blame?
Can we simply ask to get our needs met instead of complaining that the unspoken needs were not met?
​Can we hold the person accountable when we have asked for the needs to be met, the person agreed and failed to deliver?

​Do you label your kids? 

This one is the artist that one's the scientist. 

Next time, remember that you're not helping them, even though you may be praising them. Remember our study where praising kids ability lowered their IQ scores? 

Find a growth mindset way to compliment them.
 
Also, please stop harping so much on innate physical talent. 
 
Carol Dweck in her book on Growth Mindset writes about Tiger Woods and making practice fun -
"I love working on shots -proving to myself that I can hit a certain shot on command" he also thinks of a rival out there someday somewhere who will challenge him.
 
“If you see yourself as a finished product you have to protect yourself and blame and judge -you do everything except take charge.”
 
“Other sports you always assumed you're bad at? We'll maybe you are, but then again maybe you aren't. It's not something you can know until you have put in a lot of effort. Some of the world's best athletes did not start out being that good. If you have a passion for a sport, put in the effort and see. Is there a sport they can easily compete until they hit a wall? Try on the growth mindset and go for it again. “