"I suppose I want you to guess what I want before I am even aware of it. And then I want you to always do it."
My response (Marshall Rosenberg) "I hope you can see how you were not likely to find someone who can for fill your need for love if that is what it takes. "
Very often, Marshall Rosenberg's clients were able to see how the lack of awareness of what they wanted from others had contributed significantly to their frustration and depression.
We may express our discomfort and incorrectly assume the listener has understood the underlying request.
We are simply not conscious of what we are requesting when we speak, at times. We talk to others or at them without knowing how to engage in a dialogue with them.
Requests may sound like demands when unaccompanied by the speaker's feelings and needs.
The wife heard the husband's frustration but was clueless as to what he was asking for.
Equally problematic is the reverse situation -when people state the request without first communicating the feelings and needs behind them. This is especially true when the request takes the form of a question. Someone might hear it as a demand or attack unless the person remembers to first reveal their own feelings and needs.
Whenever we say something to another person, my belief is that we are requesting something in return. It may simply be an empathic connection, verbal or nonverbal acknowledgment, that our words have been understood or we may be requesting honesty. We wished to know the listeners honest reaction to our words.
We may be requesting an action that we would fulfill our needs. The clearer we are on what we want back from the other person, the more likely it is that our needs will be met.
Thank you Dr. Rosenberg for helping me be a better communicator and showing me practical applications. There will always be room for growth.
Marshall Rosenberg was a great mediator- helping people marshal resources to meet needs. That really is what mediation is all about.
I am excited to start my Divorce Mediation practice. If you know someone who is going through a separation and divorce and can wait until July to start mediation, please consider using me 585 802-1273. I have been reading and preparing website, articles, paperwork and do my next Mediation training in a few weeks.