We deserve a deeper level of relationships. When we remember who we are and what our purpose is on this planet, we naturally align with our higher purpose and stop doing so many things that distract us. We see ourselves as connected, not only to our spouse, but to all that is.

I have also taken quotes from some thought provoking authors and I ask you to consider them. If there are a few that challenge you, please accept the challenge. Entertain them with an open mind rather than just accept or reject them. Do not consider these to be true and do not use these, until you have tried them out for you.

The way to happiness is most commonly found when we treat others really well, love them, cherish them and serve them. If you want to be happy try doing that. That in itself would transform marriage, if both partners would accept that challenge. We are happy when we do for others and when we seek our own pleasure or happiness, we tend to make ourselves miserable. Every major religion has stories to teach that concept. When people used to initiate their young men, one of the first lessons was, “Your life is not about you.” If they did not get that lesson at that point, they sure did once children came along!

Love.

Quite simply marriage and relationships are about love.

If we balance our reason with the center of our heart, with the wisdom of our heart, with love, then we will do the right thing and decisions become easier.

There are times I shake my head and challenge how people define love. I have told some people, "Please don't call that love." They cheapen love.

There is relative love and there is absolute love. Mostly, as humans we do the relative love. We strive to be loved absolutely, without conditions. When we get a glimpse of that, the relative love pales in comparison. It can truly be a spiritual experience, to be loved thoroughly, completely. We then seek that from our loved ones and no one can measure up.

Thank you to those of you who have been reading this and telling me about it in sessions or via e-mail. I want to let you know that I am going to change the tone of this blog a bit and bring out some deeper teachings about love and relationship, perhaps challenge your definition. It is a very positive approach and works wonders. It is a deep challenge for most of us and you will likely fail at times and not be able to sustain it. When you do

Honey,

Thank you for another friendly year. You are a good person and I respect you as the mother of my children.

As far as our marriage goes, this was a year I prefer to forget. You see, I want an active spouse, not just someone to mother my children. I would like an active relationship with some romance, someone who is invested in us. While I am grateful that you have invested so much in the children, I often feel like an outsider.

There are days at a time that when I try to emotionally connect with you, you dismiss me. You don't make time for us even when I do all the things you ask me to do.

It feels like you just don’t want to connect. I am thinking that with enough repetitions of this, I won’t want to be close to you either. You see, it hurts to be rejected repeatedly, even if I am a guy and we are supposed to be used to it.

This marriage is probably not going to work unless you engage in it and yet I am afraid to say it again because whenever I mention something I would like or prefer you get so doggone defensive. Walking on eggshells is not good for a marriage.

Again, I have been shot down 90% of the times that I try to get close to you emotionally (I won’t even begin to talk about the physical aspect of our relationship) so I am not sure it is going to work.

I am at the point of asking “Why do people get married?”

Happy Anniversary

By the way, if this sounds like your relationship, give me a call. There are definitely ways we can improve

I just re-read an article and cannot find the original source. Will keep trying...

"Traditional teacher training tends to cater to boys' interests and behaviors as a means of keeping classroom order. Boys generally act out their frustrations in a manner often disruptive to the classroom and need to be addressed to keep order. Girls predominantly repress their frustrations by withdrawing. Teachers may not notice that this is happening. Teachers' methods of controlling boys included making them contribute often."

I was wondering if anyone out there notes this with their own children or within their marriage. Any thoughts?