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Do I Really Want You to Know Me?

3/22/2018

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​“I want you to know me and I want to know you”

Everyone says the above. Everyone would like to believe that they mean it and it’s accurate. 

Imagine that your significant other is psychic. Do you want them to know you all of you, all your thoughts, inside and out? Literally , all of you? Or does intimidate you a little bit?

Can we tone down the statement or make it more accurate or use a dimmer switch? “I want you to know the parts of me that I want you to know. “

That would probably be a more accurate statement.

“ I want you to know me the parts that I like about me and I want you to like the parts that I like. I don’t want you to know if the parts of me that I do not like. I do not like them and I judge myself harshly. My guess is that you’ll judge me harshly for the same things that I judge myself harshly about. Therefore I would like you to know me and I would like you to know those bad things at a later date, and still love me. “

“The thought of you knowing that now is overwhelming. When you know me, well enough, then you can know the bad side of me. I feel comfortable that my good sides will outweigh the bad. Just not yet. “

So really, do I want to know me? 
That is the better question. 

Can I accept all of me? 
Can I be OK with you liking me even when I have these bad sides?
Can I like myself if I am not perfect? 
Will I allow you to love me if I am imperfect? Do I need to hide who I am and in order for you to like me? 
Do I need to hide who I am, from my own self, in order to like myself?

​Any thoughts?
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    Don Boice
    Don Boice, LCSW-R, specializes in gender communication with couples in conflict.  

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