Selfish behavior often creates conflict.
“Why are your needs consistently more important than mine?”
“Because they are my needs.”
I remember hearing Ally McBeal saying that on her show and it sunk in.
Remember when we were kids and we had to learn to share? Toys, space, food, and other resources. As adults, we realize some people did not fully integrate the lesson. They take what is not theirs. They hoard things such as housing or money. They feel entitled to things that are not theirs. They don’t see their responsibility. Or they learned that to get what they need in life, they must take it.
Same thing for countries and romantic relationships- Are we looking out for each other’s needs? Are your needs worth considering or is it all about me? My country first is an example of that- because what you don’t realize is that by putting your country before all others, you are creating discord. You are asking for a problem. Just like the self -absorbed person, no one really likes the self-absorbed country.
Challenge: What conditions lead to me being more self-absorbed? When am I less likely to be self-absorbed? What can I do to heal myself with this?
Challenge: Look at the field of mediation. What skills from that field could I use? Bayes Rule, Nash Equilibrium, negotiation techniques, empathy, compassion, managing emotions. Do the same with Gottman and the six skills of conflict. It is proprietary information, so I cannot share it with you but I can lead you to it.