Gottman writes “Developmental psychologists have observed that little girls accept influence and little boys almost never accept influence from girls. In every culture around age five to seven, boys and girls stop playing with one another, despite previously being best friends in 35% of cases.
Boys deal quickly with emotion, the goal is to keep the ball in play and continue the game. There may be a quick word of emotion or changing of rules to deal with emotion.
Girls often prefer to play in small groups and regardless of the game they are playing, the relationships with one another are far more important than playing the game. Often, if someone’s feelings get hurt, girls will stop the game, discuss feelings and soothe one another.
By adolescence it is the girl who is likely to be more expert about navigating through emotional waters. The guy who can accept influence is a pretty smart guy, he benefits from this relationship.”
He has also noted that both men and women have trouble permitting women to have life dreams that are not related to families, to being good wives, good mothers or good daughters. Women are all too willing to give up their dreams for the sake of their relationships. No one wants a close relationship with a woman who is defeated, beaten and depressed. Every lover wants a woman who is a partner and a true teammate; someone who is alive and who loves her life, who feels loved, honored and respected. What they have to learn is that honoring their own dreams will also help their relationships.”
p 68 The Art and Science of Love: A Weekend Workshop for Couples Gottman and Gottman
Boys deal quickly with emotion, the goal is to keep the ball in play and continue the game. There may be a quick word of emotion or changing of rules to deal with emotion.
Girls often prefer to play in small groups and regardless of the game they are playing, the relationships with one another are far more important than playing the game. Often, if someone’s feelings get hurt, girls will stop the game, discuss feelings and soothe one another.
By adolescence it is the girl who is likely to be more expert about navigating through emotional waters. The guy who can accept influence is a pretty smart guy, he benefits from this relationship.”
He has also noted that both men and women have trouble permitting women to have life dreams that are not related to families, to being good wives, good mothers or good daughters. Women are all too willing to give up their dreams for the sake of their relationships. No one wants a close relationship with a woman who is defeated, beaten and depressed. Every lover wants a woman who is a partner and a true teammate; someone who is alive and who loves her life, who feels loved, honored and respected. What they have to learn is that honoring their own dreams will also help their relationships.”
p 68 The Art and Science of Love: A Weekend Workshop for Couples Gottman and Gottman
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