Phase 3 attachment
The opposite of betrayal is establishing trust, commitment and loyalty.
Trust is based on transparency, truth, constructive conflict, processing past emotional injuries, and attunement.
We build towards recommitment and loyalty and faith through work on cherishing.
They talk purposefully about what values give their lives meaning, what dreams they have for their future individually and together, and their goals for fulfilling those dreams.
Couple who talk about their sex life have more satisfying intimacy over time.
When a hurt partner feels enough trust and safety with a partner to resume the sexual relationship, the work on rekindling romance and erotic connection can begin.
Tailor your sexual relationship to your own needs and preferences as a couple. Discuss topics like what kind of sexual initiation you would prefer, which kind of touch feels best, what are the best ego sparing ways to refuse sex and so on.
Design specific rituals of connection to integrate regularly into your relationship.
Choose times, places, and ways to connect in a predictable manner they can count on that feel satisfying and loving for both of them.
Rituals of connection sustain friendship closeness and emotional intimacy.
Set up a high cost for subsequent betrayals.
With this, you are on your way to working through the pain, healing the past and establishing a wonderful relationship 2.0
If you would like to add the following questions, to keep your relationship on track, I would suggest a review of these every 4 months or so until you both agree it is no longer needed. If either of you still want to do it, please do it.
Can you set up a checklist for the affair let’s check up on ourselves in four-six months a year for up to two years and look at are we doing what’s necessary to keep the affair healed and no relapses. The research seems to indicate that it takes 2-3 years to move into new patterns of trust that are enduring. As in grieving a death, many couples grieve the loss for 2-3 years.
Literally set up how good are you at doing this this this this this with a checklist