After an Argument

Couple exercise: Resurrection book by Paul Selig these questions are added by me

After every argument, pause and see if there is room for improvement :

1. Own your part in it, creating it, escalating it, failing to interrupt it and not healing the part of you that perpetuates it. Not from a blame perspective, but from a taking responsibility point of view. Or
2. Point out to your partner that you are better than them overall as a person and they don’t deserve you. 
3. For future arguments or disagreements, answer the following to reduce the likelihood of a horrible outcome. Do you love your partner enough to look at the situation from a higher perspective? Are you coming From a healthy, loving place or are you coming from fear and self protection, forgetting you’re in this together? You’ve already shown them-Here’s what it looks like through a cloudy lens, with fear. 
4. What does that same situation look like when you see your partner with eyes of love? When you see them as part of all creation? When you see their goodness and true self? Can you acknowledge that your own fear changed how things looked? Can you admit that your perspective may have been inaccurate?
5. How are you now explaining or experiencing their behavior? 
6. Are you holding them accountable or blaming them?

​You could stop there or keep going for more insight:

1. Is part of the problem how you choose to look at the situation or how you’ve habitually chosen to look at them? 
2. Can you entertain the possibility that maybe your point of view is not 100% accurate?
3. When you approach the same situation with unconditional love, forgiveness and reconciliation in your own heart, can you see additional options available to you? 
4. Can you surrender your own ego, your limited perception and truly listen to what their experience was?
5. Can you agree that it all seems confusing at times?
6. Would adding love to this situation help you see through the confusion?
7. Sometimes, when I’m humble and recognize my role in creating a situation or system, I can be more understanding and loving and forgiving, while still keeping boundaries and helping bad behavior shift. 
8. On a higher level, we see this experience of separation very differently. Are you operating on a higher level or lower level right now? 
9. Am I aligned within myself for the highest good of all or am I closer to protecting myself from possible pain?
10. Do you want to keep growing and seeing things more clearly?
11. Do you want to look at your own mistakes and misperceptions and re align them?
12. Can you face yourself and your ownership of creating this situation?
13. Are you wanting to justify, defend your position and explain why you were right or do you want to see it clearly and heal the situation?
14. Do you want to grow into the next level?
15. Perspective is important: We lie when we are afraid. Own it. Face the fear and vow to change the habit of operating from a base of fear. 
16. I am not better than you. I am not more loved by the divine than you. This is not a competition or comparison or power struggle. Or are you stuck in the previous level of thinking?
17. We all have parts we’re embarrassed to have. It is humbling. Own all parts of you rather than deny they exist. By owning them, you start to heal. Pretending that they aren’t there can be harmful to yourself and your partner. Reclaim all of you and allow yourself to be loved, forgiven and reconciled. Accept love
18. Every aspect of you is holy. Even the carnal self is of the divine , because nothing is outside of the divine. Reclaim all of you, your shadow side and reunify with the source. Acknowledge  all of you-don’t deny them and you will have a level of liberation that you have not known thus far.
19. Will you allow yourself to know yourself fully? All of you, even the divine parts? 
20. Will you look for the divine in your partner?
21. Can you release the old version of you that you created long ago? Can you be made anew?
22. Ask your self-Who am I if I am not who I think I am?
23. Are you interested in more conversation and growth or more fights?
24. Your presence makes a difference. How you come to the relationship alters the relationship.
25. Are you okay outgrowing your old self? Welcoming the new?
26. How can you use this incident as a way to see the divine in you, your partner, in the world?
27. I set my intention to serve the highest good, and to claim the highest good in this relationship. I do so consciously and out loud. We are not enemies or opponents.
28. To remember who you are is to begin to comprehend what you are not. If I claim all of myself, I tend to cut others slack as well.
29. True dominion comes when an individual, in a reconciled state, cannot deny the divine in anyone or anything. All things this life encounters are altered by the expression of one in reconciliation.
30. You deny the divine in yourself. You did this because you have equated love with getting what you want from someone, or success as accruing money, what you will encounter in this transformative time is a reckoning-the choices that you previously made in fear will need to be remade in love.
31. Accept the will of the divine and align with it. At this level of vibration, you have moved into your knowing. You know what to do. Do you follow through and do it?
32. To allow the divine to be seen, is an act of humility. To tell the divine what it should appear as is the egoic act of sorcery. “Give me what I want when I say I should have it,“ is not the true self. 
33. You do not fight darkness -you illuminate it. If you are acting in anger, knowingly, or not, you’re still contributing to the very structure of the thing you wish to see transformed. 
34. Are you bringing your light to this situation and relationship?
35. We are not condoning what happened. To punish another, to condemn another, to decide another is unworthy -Your choice to put another person in this darkness has confirmed your own place there. Are you putting your partner in darkness?
36. Are you judging? I would never do that. I’m good and you’re bad. Are there any aspects of my being that are capable of hatred, capable of judgment, capable of worse? 
37. Any aspect of my being in denial of its true nature, hidden from light, and the source of greed or fear, will be reclaimed. Any aspect of myself, that breeds violence will now be re-known, as of the divine, chosen anew, re-identified, and brought to the light, so it may be Re known. 
38. Align all aspects of yourself to the divine nature and watch what happens in all your relationships.