Let’s talk conflict.
Are you creating the causes and conditions for peace in your mind and in your heart? How?
Are you challenging your thoughts when they automatically go to violence?
Think about as a young person, pre-toddler… Someone grabs your toy and you hit them. Many people move beyond this level of development.
Again, I am not saying that the goal is to let them take your things or to let them hurt you. You are to stand up for yourself but be smart and strategic. Make sure it serves you, that it works long-term.
If you win the battle but lose the war… Not our goal.
Imagine how you would stand up to someone if they took your toy. Picture it and walk through the situation.
Challenge your first and second automatic responses.
When we are hurt, we often want to hurt them back. “How do you like it?”
If your first thought is to fight back or hurt them or lash out, play with that concept. What happens next when you do that in real life? Does that solve the problem? Does that make it go away? What is your automatic response? Do you have an emotional reaction or a balanced response? What would it take to work with your feelings, so they don’t hijack the situation?
The goal is to heal our own wounds so that we are not bring the past into the present.
Did you like how it worked out? Keep going back into the picture and create a solution you prefer. You are the author of this story.
Now, imagine someone saying something that hurt your feelings.
How would you stand up for yourself?
Not hurt them back, but stand up for yourself. Is your automatic response to react with anger and aggression?
Imagine getting your first response to be curiosity.
What is the need they are not expressing? Is there something from your past that comes up when you feel hurt?
The goal is to heal our own wounds so that we are not bringing the past into the present.
You cannot make them change, you can express yourself, speak your truth. Picture it and walk through the situation.
Did you like how it worked out?
Keep going back and changing details until you have crafted an ending that works for you. Not revenge or you won this battle, and they win the war.