NonViolent Communication by Marshal Rosenberg PhD
Gottman talks about the need for clarification and how important it is to reducing conflict. Rosenberg gives the words that might really facilitate this process.
"I am grateful to you for telling me what you heard. I can see that I did not make myself as clear as I would've liked, so let me try again. "
When I emphasize the importance of our ability to ask for reflections, people often express reservations -they're worried about reactions like "What , do you think I am Deaf?" Or "Quit playing your psychological games. "
We can explain to people ahead of time why we may sometimes ask them to reflect back our words.
We have the option to focus on the listeners feelings and needs and ask them either out loud or silently to ourselves "Are you saying you're feeling annoyed because you want respect for your ability to understand things? "
After we express ourselves vulnerably, we often want to know what the listener is feeling ; what the listener is thinking or whether the Listener would be willing to take a particular action.
"I would like you to tell me what you think about what I just said."
"I would like you to tell me how you feel about what I just said, and your reasons for feeling as you do. "
NVC requires that we be conscious of the specific form of honesty we would like to receive, and to make that request for honesty in concrete language.