How responsive are you? Pay attention to their breath rate and their heart rate. The idea is to excite and relax, build excitement and maintain, then release, then build, then release, then build again, maintain, push and release again, all without ejaculation.
EXERCISE: Visualize yourself stimulating your partner with the above pattern. Just visualize yourself doing it and then feel the emotions that go with that. Does it excite you?
Imagine your partner telling you how much they enjoy it. Visualize just stopping and not going just for the ejaculation because ejaculation is not the goal. How do you feel? Try that on and sit with the feelings.
When considering the body, remember that the body has nerve endings that determine the amount of stimulation.
Different parts of the body have different amounts, so require different stimulation, speed and pressure.
The most sensitive parts are the genitals, nipples, lips and mouth.
Followed by the ear lobes, nape of neck, lower back just above your bottom, just below your bottom and the inner thighs.
So many people just focus on the most sensitive instead of spreading the love around.
Imagine a little kissing, touching and licking in each area of sensitivity, starting with the second most sensitive, then the most (not the genitals yet), then the third, then the second, then the first, including the genitals this time so the body speeds up and slows down, so the whole body awakens, the person feels pampered and indulged and the excitement grows. So much anticipation and foreplay… Tantra works with building excitement, not a rush to ejaculation. It is a process, a journey of enjoyment.
EXERCISE: Visualize the above and think through how it might feel, then allow your body and emotions to experience the visualization. Do you like it? Can you feel the anticipation and playfulness? Can you be okay without having the instant gratification?
The next level of sensitivity is the outside surface of the little finger, the thumb, the big toe, the center of the palm, sole of the foot, the Naval, the ears and the back of the knee.
Here’s a simple cycle of stimulation following two rounds of a pattern just described ear lobe, mouth, anterior nares, breasts, sacral lumbar junction, mouth, navel, genitals.
EXERCISE: Visualize it and feel the emotions and involve your body’s sensations as you imagine it happening. This cycle follows a tried and true pattern of increasing desire and arousal. Try it or at least the parts that resonate with you.
Be mindful of their breathing, to help them stay present and focused. There is a window between too much and too little stimulation and the goal is to go up and down within this window, so their body/mind does not get bored. Mix it up, have variety for them.
EXERCISE: You can ask them first what they might like. Some people are not ready to talk about it or have not spent much time thinking about fantasy or sensations and you might have to ask them what they would like and then give them multiple choice.