I did not get a huge response to the previous blog request- romantic ideas. "Try" seemed to be the common theme- and there are books that are good yet basic that have ideas for being romantic ie 101 Ways to Be Romantic.
Attraction and spark are related. If the person does not feel attracted to you, then the sparks will not fly. What are the preconditions? The environment, for one
Are you setting an environment that is trusting, not threatening, allows the person to relax, is interesting and there is enough time for sparks? One person referred me to literature from the Pick Up Artists (PUA). Neil Strauss wrote a few books, the best of which seems to be The Rules of the Game. Put aside the horrible ethics for a moment and look at how you pick up your significant other. Use the author’s ideas to “pick up” your significant other. Why use pick up ideas? Because they know how to build attraction and rapport and move things towards passion. Applied correctly and with the right motivation, it might be enough to move your relationship out of a slump.
“after awhile of being nice to one another, making sure both are rested, try soul gazing. Soul gazing, is when you look deep into a woman's right eye with your own right eye as you both breathe together. Once you do this with her, she's going to bond real strong with you.”
“Attraction is working on yourself and improving yourself to the point where she is magnetically attracted to you and wants to be around you.” Ask yourself if you are doing things that would make someone want to be around you.
They suggest that you eliminate bad breath, body odor, clothes that do not fit or are badly stained, poor posture and poor speech, and any neediness such as self-deprecating humor that comes off as neediness.
Neil Strauss writes that women seek a wonderful night out, romantic attention, and emotional connection. Are you doing all three or are you sitting at home being boring, not being playful with her and just settling for a lazy night? Are you trying? Are you working to get and keep her attention?
“I asked her if she was a good kisser, and we kissed for a while. I stopped it and suggested we go downstairs for a drink,” he said. He talked about the male doing things that were once in the domain of the woman in terms of turning down. When is the last time a man interrupted intimacy and suggested something else to her? It is not expected the first time and breaks a pattern. If it happens repeatedly, it is no longer effective in getting attention.
He suggests “download cesaria evora- Best make out music on the planet.”
“Commonalities, simply finding out that you have a passion for something another person also likes and respects is enough to fire that strange emotion we like to call chemistry. When two people discover they have things in common pheromones are released and attraction begins.”
“Read to her the most beautiful love story ever written, On Seeing the 100% Perfect Girl One Beautiful April Morning by Haruki Murakami.”
So my challenge to you is this: Try one of the above suggestions and let me know how it worked for you. Better yet, try a combo of the above and approach them with fun and playfulness. Flirting is being playful with someone, letting them know that you are interested in them.
Next time, we’ll have some stupid opening lines to try with your SO. In the meantime, think of some good conversation starters. She wants to connect, so offer to connect!