Boice Counseling
  • Home
  • Retreats and Books
    • Books and Audio
    • Helpful Resources
    • Insurance/Costs
  • Services
  • News/Blog
  • Contact Us

Building Relationships and Power Plays

2/22/2022

0 Comments

 
​When I think about couples counseling, I think about Building Relationships and Improving Communication (BRIC). I think about how couples share, or don’t share power. Some couples want to share power and others seemingly do not want that. Suggest you eliminate guesswork and come to an agreement on this.
 
Some couples have power plays and attempt to establish dominance over their partner. Be honest with yourself and your partner. Be direct and ask for what you want and make sure that your behavior and words match.
 
Some were raised by authoritarian parents (fathers, usually) and don’t know that there are healthy ways to have those crucial conversations, instead of just saying, “Because I said so.” That ensures compliance rather than that the children will be able to use reason to arrive at their conclusions. It makes them good followers and I am guessing that is not what you want for your kids when they get older.
 
Not every couple figures this out before kids. While raising kids, chores and discipline become issues for them and power plays become more obvious when a child wants a say in their own life. Should a child be given a say in how they grow and develop? If the couple disagrees on this, we can anticipate some difficult conversations.
 
How much do you back your child when they are wrong? At home, some people act like dictators with their own kids. At school, some parents act as if their child never makes a mistake. Think through what messages are coming through when your messages are mixed like that.
 
Think through your responsibility as a parent, as well as the impact of your words and actions. Ask people what your impact is, since we don’t mind-read very well. If you accept responsibility for the words and behaviors coming from you, you model accountability for your kids, which we all want.
 
If you are wrong, can you admit that you are wrong and apologize and make sure it doesn’t happen again? Does your ego get in the way of checking yourself and your own responsibility in a situation?
 
I overheard people talking about cancel culture and how people are not quite understanding what is happening. Some people take it to the extreme.
 
Jimmy is in school. “2 plus 2 is 7,” he says. The teacher corrects him and he tells his parents that the teacher “canceled” him. What is your threshold for “canceling” in this scenario? Whose responsibility is it to let Jimmy know how to do math correctly?
 
Jane is in college and offers her opinion on a subject. She didn’t read the assignment and tells the Physics professor that she should not have to read it. The professor says, “She is entitled to her opinion and that doesn’t mean it is an educated opinion or accurate.”
 
She tells her parents that she was “canceled” and they complain to the Dean of the Physics Department. It gets worse when Jane fails a test because the information she provided on said test was not accurate. Where is your threshold for being canceled versus being helped to do the necessary work to figure out the solution?
0 Comments

Your comment will be posted after it is approved.


Leave a Reply.

    Don Boice
    Don Boice, LCSW-R, specializes in gender communication with couples in conflict.  

    _

    Archives

    January 2023
    December 2022
    November 2022
    October 2022
    September 2022
    August 2022
    July 2022
    June 2022
    May 2022
    April 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    December 2021
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    November 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    October 2012
    September 2012
    August 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012
    April 2012
    March 2012
    February 2012
    January 2012

    Categories

    All
    Building Relationships Improving Communication
    Communication
    Counseling
    Counselor
    Couples
    Couples Counseling
    Dating
    Emotional Intelligence
    Gender
    Gender Communication
    Goleman
    Jealousy
    Love
    Marital Counseling
    Relationships
    Resolutions
    Romance
    Soft Skills
    Time Magazine
    Training
    Valentine's Day

    RSS Feed

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.