Some couples have power plays and attempt to establish dominance over their partner. Be honest with yourself and your partner. Be direct and ask for what you want and make sure that your behavior and words match.
Some were raised by authoritarian parents (fathers, usually) and don’t know that there are healthy ways to have those crucial conversations, instead of just saying, “Because I said so.” That ensures compliance rather than that the children will be able to use reason to arrive at their conclusions. It makes them good followers and I am guessing that is not what you want for your kids when they get older.
Not every couple figures this out before kids. While raising kids, chores and discipline become issues for them and power plays become more obvious when a child wants a say in their own life. Should a child be given a say in how they grow and develop? If the couple disagrees on this, we can anticipate some difficult conversations.
How much do you back your child when they are wrong? At home, some people act like dictators with their own kids. At school, some parents act as if their child never makes a mistake. Think through what messages are coming through when your messages are mixed like that.
Think through your responsibility as a parent, as well as the impact of your words and actions. Ask people what your impact is, since we don’t mind-read very well. If you accept responsibility for the words and behaviors coming from you, you model accountability for your kids, which we all want.
If you are wrong, can you admit that you are wrong and apologize and make sure it doesn’t happen again? Does your ego get in the way of checking yourself and your own responsibility in a situation?
I overheard people talking about cancel culture and how people are not quite understanding what is happening. Some people take it to the extreme.
Jimmy is in school. “2 plus 2 is 7,” he says. The teacher corrects him and he tells his parents that the teacher “canceled” him. What is your threshold for “canceling” in this scenario? Whose responsibility is it to let Jimmy know how to do math correctly?
Jane is in college and offers her opinion on a subject. She didn’t read the assignment and tells the Physics professor that she should not have to read it. The professor says, “She is entitled to her opinion and that doesn’t mean it is an educated opinion or accurate.”
She tells her parents that she was “canceled” and they complain to the Dean of the Physics Department. It gets worse when Jane fails a test because the information she provided on said test was not accurate. Where is your threshold for being canceled versus being helped to do the necessary work to figure out the solution?