There are phases that people go through when separating and divorcing. Some can be really rough and some can be really slow. There’s no rushing in some areas. Let’s focus on what is in my control.
What’s in my control is my attitude and my response, at least most of the time. What attitude do you want to have and to project as you are going through this part of your life? Think it through and choose behaviors that match.
Coping with pain is a must. Mostly emotional pain and while some of it is acute and intense, much of it is lasting pain, aching loneliness, withdrawal from touch and cuddling and feeling alone, along with missing the children and if your ex got the friends, missing them. You may or may not want to share this, so that determines who is available to support you. Reaching out for help from a wide variety of people is a winning strategy. Realizing that you have to meet your own needs (and the fact that your friends are not reaching out to you) and if your needs are not met, you have to switch strategies, means you have moved out of the victim role. Get into counseling individually. Go to yoga or meditation or something that allows you to sit with pain that will not go away right away. We call this “distress tolerance.” Getting a hobby, distracting yourself from the emotional pain, staying busy with work are helpful in the short run. In the long run, you need to be facing the pain directly and directly changing what you are doing so that your life is balanced. Many, many people start dating almost immediately because they think that will reduce their pain. In reality, dating has changed since you were last dating and it is confusing and painful to many people.
Serenity Prayer- popular in 12 step groups- Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.
Finally, remember who you are, your purpose; your reason for being here. When things get really tough, come back to this and it will get you through.