Can You Help Me Put a Positive Spin on This?
As a counselor, I try to find the positive and give people hope, when there is hope. Check out this situation:
Planning Process
Person 1 What would you like to do about X?
Person 2 Oh, yeah. Let's do such and such.
Person 1 Oh, good idea. Let's do that.
RESULT: Y gets done instead.
Follow through was not done or done in a way that was opposite of what was agreed- killing any semblance of partnership.
Always the same person. This same person states she does not get why he feels controlled and wants to leave the relationship.
He is livid as he tells the counselor, "My needs simply do not matter to her. She is telling me that my needs will not get met, but she expects me to stay and to meet her needs. I keep getting surprised that she breaks her promises, but I am an idiot for continuing to believe her. I would guess she promises and delivers the opposite close to 90%. Why am I still surprised? What’s wrong with me, Doc?”
“She asked me what I wanted and I took her literally. We negotiated it and both agreed on a course of action. She said she would do it and I took her literally. She literally did the opposite of what she promised, again. I hate this! If she changed her mind, we could just renegotiate. She takes all the control and it becomes passive aggressive when she does the exact opposite. Then she acts so sweet and innocent and is shocked that I am mad at her. She does not have my back and keeps showing me that when she throws me under the bus like this. I feel very vulnerable and unsafe when dealing with her and then when I express this, I have to take care of her feelings because she feels insulted that I think she hurt me. This is infuriating!”
Counselor dilemma: I can teach all the communication skills in the world, but I cannot teach you to do what you said you would do.
Can anyone help me put a positive spin on this?
As a counselor, I try to find the positive and give people hope, when there is hope. Check out this situation:
Planning Process
Person 1 What would you like to do about X?
Person 2 Oh, yeah. Let's do such and such.
Person 1 Oh, good idea. Let's do that.
RESULT: Y gets done instead.
Follow through was not done or done in a way that was opposite of what was agreed- killing any semblance of partnership.
Always the same person. This same person states she does not get why he feels controlled and wants to leave the relationship.
He is livid as he tells the counselor, "My needs simply do not matter to her. She is telling me that my needs will not get met, but she expects me to stay and to meet her needs. I keep getting surprised that she breaks her promises, but I am an idiot for continuing to believe her. I would guess she promises and delivers the opposite close to 90%. Why am I still surprised? What’s wrong with me, Doc?”
“She asked me what I wanted and I took her literally. We negotiated it and both agreed on a course of action. She said she would do it and I took her literally. She literally did the opposite of what she promised, again. I hate this! If she changed her mind, we could just renegotiate. She takes all the control and it becomes passive aggressive when she does the exact opposite. Then she acts so sweet and innocent and is shocked that I am mad at her. She does not have my back and keeps showing me that when she throws me under the bus like this. I feel very vulnerable and unsafe when dealing with her and then when I express this, I have to take care of her feelings because she feels insulted that I think she hurt me. This is infuriating!”
Counselor dilemma: I can teach all the communication skills in the world, but I cannot teach you to do what you said you would do.
Can anyone help me put a positive spin on this?
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