Can Your Marriage Survive an Affair? Part 4
Phase 3
Attachment
The opposite of betrayal is establishing trust, commitment, and loyalty.
Trust is based on transparency, truth, constructive conflict, processing past emotional injuries, and attunement. We continue this work and build towards re-commitment and loyalty in phase 3 through work on cherishing.
Couples also talk purposefully about what values give their lives meeting, what dreams they have for their future individually and together, and their goals for fulfilling these dreams (p213) handout.
Rekindle passion and their sex life
Couples that talk about their sex life have more satisfying intimacy over time.
Teach them about open ended questions and they can use the open ended questions (p205) card deck exercise/handout.
When the hurt partner feels enough trust and safety with the partner to resume a sexual relationship, the work on rekindling romance (p235) handout and erotic connection can begin.
The Gottsex kit is used (you can buy that from Gottman Institute). It contains seven exercises. Each one facilitates a discussion between the partners that helps them tailor their sexual relationship to their own individual needs and preferences. Couples discuss topics like what kind of sexual initiation they would prefer, what kind of touch feels best, what are the best ego sparing ways to refuse sex, and someone rituals of connection referred to a concept created by William Doherty -ways to connect in a predictable manner that they can count on feeling satisfying and loving for both of them.
Rituals of connection help couples to stay in friendship, closeness and emotional intimacy (p218) handout and how to appreciate one another (p233) and then how to turn towards (p229) and then how to celebrate the positive in a relationship (p199).
Phase 3
Attachment
The opposite of betrayal is establishing trust, commitment, and loyalty.
Trust is based on transparency, truth, constructive conflict, processing past emotional injuries, and attunement. We continue this work and build towards re-commitment and loyalty in phase 3 through work on cherishing.
Couples also talk purposefully about what values give their lives meeting, what dreams they have for their future individually and together, and their goals for fulfilling these dreams (p213) handout.
Rekindle passion and their sex life
Couples that talk about their sex life have more satisfying intimacy over time.
Teach them about open ended questions and they can use the open ended questions (p205) card deck exercise/handout.
When the hurt partner feels enough trust and safety with the partner to resume a sexual relationship, the work on rekindling romance (p235) handout and erotic connection can begin.
The Gottsex kit is used (you can buy that from Gottman Institute). It contains seven exercises. Each one facilitates a discussion between the partners that helps them tailor their sexual relationship to their own individual needs and preferences. Couples discuss topics like what kind of sexual initiation they would prefer, what kind of touch feels best, what are the best ego sparing ways to refuse sex, and someone rituals of connection referred to a concept created by William Doherty -ways to connect in a predictable manner that they can count on feeling satisfying and loving for both of them.
Rituals of connection help couples to stay in friendship, closeness and emotional intimacy (p218) handout and how to appreciate one another (p233) and then how to turn towards (p229) and then how to celebrate the positive in a relationship (p199).
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