“My wife says I have bad morning breath, so I do something about it. I ask her if it works and she says she likes it now.” Cause and effect
“Don, I told her about a smell that bothers me (I even used the Gottman Softened Startup) and she responded that I just have to deal with it. If I really loved her, I would not complain about such things.”
I think she does not get the hypocrisy in what she just did.
“We had a great conversation about love and how it would be wonderful if it were unconditional, which it is not and never will be.”
Some people take advantage of their partner by placing way too many conditions. Others think there should be no conditions at all. Either extreme can have its pitfalls.
Should it matter what your partner does? I think it does matter. There are certain things that can sink a relationship and should not be tolerated. As I think of it, can you imagine a relationship that has more conditions than a romantic relationship?
You are connected. You cannot be too selfish and just do what you want without consequences- that is simply cause and effect, not the other person punishing you.
The law of gravity does not punish someone for jumping out a second story window. It simply is cause and effect, no judgment or blame.
Same thing for relationships- neglect them and they wither.
The plant does not punish you for not watering it for 3 weeks, it simply dies- cause and effect. If you don’t have the right soil for that particular plant, it will not grow – cause and effect.