- We communicate 100% of the time. We cannot help but communicate. Sometimes the communication is really clear. For example, someone came in for a session and told me that he appreciated my help with his wife’s communication, now she is very clear she does not like him.
- Are you communicating that your partner is a priority? OR sex? Are you initiating conversations about intimacy, talking about who you are and what makes you tick? Are you trying to score points by paying attention to their likes and dislikes? Are you communicating that you do not care?
- What are you consciously communicating about yourself?
- What communication is the other person focusing on and what meaning are they getting from it?
- When we communicate, we are letting others know how we feel about feelings themselves. Some people are very emotional, value emotions highly and others do not. When the couple does not see eye to eye on this one, emotional connection can be a challenge.
- Consider reading Chapman’s book on Love Languages. Each person has a preferred way to hear that they are loved and appreciated. Most people give what they themselves want, not what the other person needs.
- EXERCISE Be playful in your behavior and speech. Most people will play along and it really lightens the mood. Word of caution if you are sarcastic. People either love it or hate it. Know your audience.
- Many people use sarcasm poorly. They are cruel or mean or the timing is off. This is dangerous and might signal the end of the interaction with them. Teasing, with a smile on your face and a laugh in your voice, is playful and considered flirting. Play/Flirt with people in your daily life and watch what happens. Flirt too much and they will let you know.
- How did the flirting go for you?
- Did they all react the same way?
- What did you notice about your reaction to flirting?