This is often a difficult topic. People tend to get super defensive or judgmental instead of being open to the possibilities and being vulnerable with one another. Be open to a new perspective. If you find yourself thinking, "There's nothing wrong with that." chances are that you have become defensive. If you start feeling deprived, or like something valuable is being threatened, sit with those feelings and explore them. Sit with those feelings until they have taught you the lesson you need. Feelings usually last about 20 minutes before they evaporate, unless we stir the feelings and escalate them or if we avoid them. If you want to be efficient and have the feelings pass the most quickly, feel them and let them go.
As a couple, being vulnerable is not only useful, it is desirable. Judging yourself or others is not helpful. With that in mind, please keep reading.
Challenge: No masturbation for a month.
Challenge 2: No porn for a month
Challenge 3: No vibrator for a month
When you masturbate, do you use porn?
Do you both talk about it?
Are you able to have healthy conversations about it or do you avoid it or get judgy?
Do you use a vibrator when you masturbate?
Do you both talk about it?
Did you know both of those things can get in the way of have sex with another person in person?
Did you talk about it?
In sacred sexuality, the goal is to let go of the externals and tune into your partner for pleasure. Porn and vibrators are two issues that have come up repeatedly as obstacles to connection. Can you come at it from a practical manner and stay away from being judgy? In sacred sexuality, we talk about exercises and paths to take that lead us to the highest outcome. My challenge to you as a couple is, for one month, focus on the process, not the orgasm, without sex toys, without porn and see what changes you notice. Some couples have also suggested not masturbating during that month, because during masturbation, the sexual energy is not always focused exclusively on the partner.
You can add that, if the two of you would like.
Do you like to use porn and toys with sex?
Challenge 4: Talk about your preferences and negotiate a win-win, without getting triggered, with critical thinking and some evidence…
As a couple, being vulnerable is not only useful, it is desirable. Judging yourself or others is not helpful. With that in mind, please keep reading.
Challenge: No masturbation for a month.
Challenge 2: No porn for a month
Challenge 3: No vibrator for a month
When you masturbate, do you use porn?
Do you both talk about it?
Are you able to have healthy conversations about it or do you avoid it or get judgy?
Do you use a vibrator when you masturbate?
Do you both talk about it?
Did you know both of those things can get in the way of have sex with another person in person?
Did you talk about it?
In sacred sexuality, the goal is to let go of the externals and tune into your partner for pleasure. Porn and vibrators are two issues that have come up repeatedly as obstacles to connection. Can you come at it from a practical manner and stay away from being judgy? In sacred sexuality, we talk about exercises and paths to take that lead us to the highest outcome. My challenge to you as a couple is, for one month, focus on the process, not the orgasm, without sex toys, without porn and see what changes you notice. Some couples have also suggested not masturbating during that month, because during masturbation, the sexual energy is not always focused exclusively on the partner.
You can add that, if the two of you would like.
Do you like to use porn and toys with sex?
Challenge 4: Talk about your preferences and negotiate a win-win, without getting triggered, with critical thinking and some evidence…
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