Welcome back.
Let’s talk conflict.
How is the healing coming along? Are you able to not stir the water when the dirt has already settled? That is a huge part of dealing with conflict, is dealing with your own emotions. If you don’t know how to deal with feelings, conflict will be hard for you to understand.
People often confront themselves in weird ways. Did you know that they taught us that over 70% of what people say about us is about them? So only 30% is about us. Imagine taking it personally when it is about them. Nope, that is a mistake to take it personally. It feels like they are picking a fight. Imagine being invited to a fight and declining the invitation. “No, thank you. But if you need to talk it out, I am here for you.”
Again, the automatic response is to fight back or to take the bait. That is a mistake, and our feelings hijack our brain. We know it and we still do it sometimes until it is the default setting.
Challenge- What do you need to do with your own emotions, so that you can more easily decline a confrontation when invited? What thoughts do you need to think to get to that level? Can you imagine someone saying something hurtful and not responding with hurtful words or actions? “I don’t like it when you talk to me like that. That doesn’t feel good. I would like you to stop. If you need to talk it through, I can help, but you are not allowed to talk to me like that.” Or “Are you okay?” Notice how you are clearly defining that this is not your issue, it is theirs. You are no longer taking things personally when they are not about you.
This is how we create the conditions for peace.
Let’s talk conflict.
How is the healing coming along? Are you able to not stir the water when the dirt has already settled? That is a huge part of dealing with conflict, is dealing with your own emotions. If you don’t know how to deal with feelings, conflict will be hard for you to understand.
People often confront themselves in weird ways. Did you know that they taught us that over 70% of what people say about us is about them? So only 30% is about us. Imagine taking it personally when it is about them. Nope, that is a mistake to take it personally. It feels like they are picking a fight. Imagine being invited to a fight and declining the invitation. “No, thank you. But if you need to talk it out, I am here for you.”
Again, the automatic response is to fight back or to take the bait. That is a mistake, and our feelings hijack our brain. We know it and we still do it sometimes until it is the default setting.
Challenge- What do you need to do with your own emotions, so that you can more easily decline a confrontation when invited? What thoughts do you need to think to get to that level? Can you imagine someone saying something hurtful and not responding with hurtful words or actions? “I don’t like it when you talk to me like that. That doesn’t feel good. I would like you to stop. If you need to talk it through, I can help, but you are not allowed to talk to me like that.” Or “Are you okay?” Notice how you are clearly defining that this is not your issue, it is theirs. You are no longer taking things personally when they are not about you.
This is how we create the conditions for peace.
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