Disclaimer. To avoid breaking confidentiality, I am compiling complaints and questions. Therefore, these did not happen exactly as I portray them. I combine several complaints/issues into one letter.
Dear Couples Counselor:
Am I being a jerk?
My wife is never on time. Rarely, that is, let me be accurate. Last week, she said, I’ll be home by 3pm. 3:45 pm she pulls in the driveway. The kids asked, “When is mommy coming home.” I told them, “She told me she’d be home by 3pm.”
Mind you, we have had this conversation a bunch of times in the past. If you are going to be home at 3:45, tell me 3:45. If you don’t know, tell me you don’t know, be vague and tentative. I even coached her with, “tell me you don’t know. Tell me sometime before 5 pm. It is always better to be early than late in my book. I take you literally. If you tell me 3 pm, I expect you to keep that promise. Part of me knows you are not lying when you are not home when you say you will be home. However, I have come to not rely on you. I cannot take you at your word. Your word does not mean anything to me. I do not trust what you are saying.”
It would have been different, if she kept her word on other things or followed through. Now, when she makes a promise, I have trained myself not to believe her, not to take her literally. I have given up some things in order to accommodate this style of communication.
Dear reader- what would you advise this person if they were male and would it change if they were female?