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Detach From Your Ego

6/24/2020

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​How are you getting detached from your ego?
 
What gets in the way of growth? What stops you from stepping up to the plate, from summoning the courage?
 
Do you let fear of what others think stop you?
Can you feel the feeling of fear, knowing it is a story in your head that you tell yourself, then continue on doing what you need to do?
Can you face your fear piece by piece and sit with the feelings until you realize that fear is not the enemy, avoiding the fear is the problem.
 
I prefer to be comfortable rather than uncomfortable. This is true for emotions and for my physical body. Does that mean I should not exercise or ever feel discomfort? Growth means I go through the discomfort for a higher goal, for what my purpose dictates.
 
Imagine I have a goal and I am so attached to the goal that if I do not reach it, I tell myself my life is over. It is the end of the world. That is what we call “attachment” or “grasping.” Goals are good when we approach them with a healthy outlook. I am okay even if my desire is not met. It is no big deal.
 
Now, imagine in your relationship, you want something and your partner wants something else. I want her to listen first and she wants me to listen first. That’s ego based if we have a fight over that. The ego is the deeper cause of all conflict in relationships. “I desire something rather than demand it,” is a healthier thought. There is the yin and the yang, the principle of opposites and complementarity. Let’s try to stop making everyone the same and appreciate the differences that exist.
 
Play with your desires and how this relates to your relationship. Allow yourself to want what you want, without getting bent out of shape if you don’t get it. Delay gratification and pay attention to your emotions.
 
One way to expand your comfort zone is by joining a group. Joining a group is hard. It requires some of the more complicated social skills. It is give and take and self discovery.
Are you adding to or draining from the fun?
Are you pulling/inviting everyone into the conversation?
Make a comment on what they are wearing or doing- pull them in. Be motivated by curiosity- get to know them. Do not open with a question- try a statement or observation. “It takes effort to appear effortless.”
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    Don Boice
    Don Boice, LCSW-R, specializes in gender communication with couples in conflict.  

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