According to John Gottman PhD, in his book -What Makes Love Last?
“Trust is the specific state that exists when you are both willing to change your own behavior to benefit your partner. The more trust that exists, the more you look out for one another. You feel pleasure when they succeed and troubled when they are upset. You just can’t be happy if achieving your payoffs would hurt your significant other. Their happiness is interconnected. They will each change their own behavior to increase the other’s payoffs.”
I call this “having someone’s back.” It means we are in it together. We are equal partners, connected and what she does affects me and what I do affects her.
In his book, which I highly recommend, he talks about betrayals, not just affairs. He talks about the loss of trust and how to get it back, if possible. He goes into Game Theory and maximizing payoffs, perhaps not as romantic as some writers, it is very effective in making love last.
May your love last a long time and may you continue to commit to doing what it takes. It is worth it.
All the best,
Don
“Trust is the specific state that exists when you are both willing to change your own behavior to benefit your partner. The more trust that exists, the more you look out for one another. You feel pleasure when they succeed and troubled when they are upset. You just can’t be happy if achieving your payoffs would hurt your significant other. Their happiness is interconnected. They will each change their own behavior to increase the other’s payoffs.”
I call this “having someone’s back.” It means we are in it together. We are equal partners, connected and what she does affects me and what I do affects her.
In his book, which I highly recommend, he talks about betrayals, not just affairs. He talks about the loss of trust and how to get it back, if possible. He goes into Game Theory and maximizing payoffs, perhaps not as romantic as some writers, it is very effective in making love last.
May your love last a long time and may you continue to commit to doing what it takes. It is worth it.
All the best,
Don
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