“I want real connection to sustain me and my girlfriend says she wants that but... not really because she doesn’t follow through.”
There are many reasons someone might not follow through, so think through how you would ask about following through…
What’s it like for you when you don’t feel connected?
Ever feel rejected or abandoned?
Ever reject the other person before they reject you?
Ever abandon yourself, but blame it on your partner?
Ever push them away and wonder why they went away?
Do you feel emotionally disengaged or lonely? What do you do with that?
Gottman talks about bidding for connection. When you reach for your partner, do they accept your bid and turn toward you? Do they turn away when you try to connect? Do they turn against you and get angry when you ask to connect? Successful couples have a high percentage of connection and therefore bids. Some couples do not recognize bids without the bids being very direct.
Having the skills to deal with this is in part having the courage to ask the tough questions. Emotional intelligence is necessary in reading the situation, as well.
There are many reasons someone might not follow through, so think through how you would ask about following through…
- “I was really hoping we could connect tonight. Are you interested?”
- “You didn’t answer when I asked and I wonder what you would like me to interpret from that”
- “I didn’t hear back from you after I reached out and that landed badly. What did you intend for me to hear from that?”
- Other
What’s it like for you when you don’t feel connected?
Ever feel rejected or abandoned?
Ever reject the other person before they reject you?
Ever abandon yourself, but blame it on your partner?
Ever push them away and wonder why they went away?
Do you feel emotionally disengaged or lonely? What do you do with that?
Gottman talks about bidding for connection. When you reach for your partner, do they accept your bid and turn toward you? Do they turn away when you try to connect? Do they turn against you and get angry when you ask to connect? Successful couples have a high percentage of connection and therefore bids. Some couples do not recognize bids without the bids being very direct.
Having the skills to deal with this is in part having the courage to ask the tough questions. Emotional intelligence is necessary in reading the situation, as well.
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