Okay, usually confuses men, has been my experience. Talk about emotional connection and what you want and what it means. Define terms… Define what you want and what level and how you get there.
As you connect emotionally and become more intimate, you are becoming more open and vulnerable. It won’t be comfortable and soothing at times. You will need to validate and soothe yourself, not wait for them to do it for you.
This level of intimacy sets the tone for sexual conversations, preferences and the ability to come back from conflict and difficulty. Not every orgasm includes satisfaction or even high arousal. Those with intimacy do…
By the way, as both genders mature and age, men tend to be more interested in emotional connection. Women tend to enjoy sex for their own pleasure rather than for their partner’s pleasure as the age. Connection is more important than technique if you want the best sex. (Schnarch)
Exercise: Introduce yourself to 3 people today (strangers) and face one of your fears with them. (Fear kills intimacy and facing your fear helps you tolerate the difficulty of vulnerability required for a healthy adult relationship.) They don’t have to know what your fear is. It could be talking to strangers. It could be admitting something about yourself.
You have succeeded when you have talked to that third person and have faced a fear. Build your courage muscles…
How did it go?
What do you need to do differently for next time to be more successful?
Did you compliment them on something they are wearing? Did you just listen? Did you have a rehearsed line to start the conversation?