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Every Breath You Take...

10/16/2021

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Every Breath You Take…

Pay attention to your partner’s breathing. Use peripheral vision, like in a previous blog.

When they talk, they are exhaling (usually).

Pay attention to how deeply they breathe. Observe how slow/fast and what part of their body moves when they breathe- belly, diaphragm or chest.

Notice if they breathe exclusively through their mouth or nose or alternate

Breathe together, matching their breath pattern, after you have observed for awhile.

Do not tell them what you are doing. One idea behind mimesis is that when you mimic someone’s behavior, you have no choice but to feel connected. Try it. Don’t forget that each of you is to do this. Can you feel the feelings they have when they breathe that way? Do this on a regular basis to bond.

Part two of breathing- Once you have “followed” them for awhile, start to shift your breathing a little and see if their breathing changes in response to yours (without them consciously doing it).

Usually, after you match for a bit, one of you can lead the other one to a new pattern of breathing. And yes, you can do this from across the room.

​Each emotion tends to be associated with a different pattern of breathing, albeit subtle. Pick up on their feelings by picking up on their breathing. If they are feeling sad, you leading them in breathing (without them knowing) can help them shift their mood. It is quite remarkable, try it. Same is true for posture, keeping feet on floor versus crossing legs etc. I am curious what else it might lead to…
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    Don Boice
    Don Boice, LCSW-R, specializes in gender communication with couples in conflict.  

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