February 02nd, 2021

​Post Date Survey (Satire)
Rationale: You went on a date or several. You got a good vibe. You thought it went well and the other person ended it. Or maybe you ended it, surprising them. You ever wish you could give them feedback that might really be helpful to them? Like, you think they are great, but because they are missing so many teeth, they are not your type. Here is a chance to help that person. Written by a man seeking a woman…
 
Consider the format for your feedback:
True/False
Mutliple choice
Grading- Pass/Fail with option for an A
Exceeds Expectations
Meets Realistic Expectations
Does not meet expectations- area of concern
Scared me a little bit
Rank how important these are on a scale of 1-10
1 being the most important and likely a deal breaker
 

1. Romantic Compatibility

1. Has an exciting life/adventurous ___True      ___False
2. Has a strong social network and emotional connection ___True      ___False    
3. Ambitious     ___True      ___False     Will he be enthusiastic, energize me and have a positive outlook? Is he successful?
4. Protector   ___True      ___False         Does he take care of his loved ones? Is he smart/strong enough to protect me? Do people follow him?
5. Attraction ___True      ___False                  Does he turn me on? Is there emotional and rational chemistry? Do I trust him? Does he sacrifice for me? Am I comfortable enough? Is there a connection? Too old/young? Tall/short? Muscular/overweight? Other mismatch

1. Friendship Compatibility

1. Proximity

Do we live in the same state/region? Are we close enough to quickly drop in on one another?

1. Availability

I only have certain hours a week that I am not working or not with my children. Is that enough for you? Is that too much for you? How often do you want to see me before you would meet them? Until then, is once or twice a week okay? Do you want 2 hour phone calls or texting sessions? Facetime/skype? Emails? How much is too much during the day?

1. Personality

You are expected to work through differences and tough times fight fair, resolve versus agree to disagree; You are expected to share the power in the relationship  money, sex, chores, parenting, step parenting, ex spouse, vacation, jobs, retirement ; not cut off sex or money; not quit job unilaterally and no surprises Maid/slave or Benefactor, Patron, Partner or Husband? Hard to put these into question form, perhaps this is better asked during the date or feedback after the date should be in essay form.
 

1. Intelligence

The closer match we are on this, the better. Are we a good match from your perspective?

1. Socioeconomic

How well do we navigate our differences? Are we able to negotiate some parts better than others? Culturally, we will have some differences and if our communication is not great, this could be problematic. I talk about tribes. Within my tribe, we share expectations well. Is it my job to take care of you?- define terms-Is it then also your job to take care of me? You will help me.  Fair to assume, unfair to assume? Cultural differences in expectations are possible- do we talk about these or continue to assume?
 

1. Shared Sacrifice-

You are expected to clean up after yourself  - not a parasitic relationship, clean up your mistakes, your ignorance etc. in money, sex, chores, job, affair, emotions, parenting etc The new relationship  contract needs to be discussed not assumed-
custody,
chores,
money,
step families,
no kids,
open marriages,
marriage equality,
why get married
 
 

1. Emotional Match –

You are expected to fall back in love when you fall out of love and talk about it. You are expected to remain faithful no matter what the other person does or says. If the relationship is over, acknowledge it then do your business. How do you feel about feelings versus thoughts? Will you honor them both?
 

1. Spiritual/values

Are you willing to grow? Do you know what want?
You are expected to grow and develop and mature
How are you living, compared to how your values line up?

1. Financial

How do we make decisions? Your debt is your debt and my debt is mine?
 
 
Longer Answers
What do you really want to know after the date?
What would make you stay or leave?
The whole goal of the first date is to get a second date and see if there is chemistry or a connection.
A dealbreaker on date one is not the same thing as a dealbreaker on date two or beyond.
 
BREAK UP SECTION
Just not my type- chemistry was not there (easy out?) ___True      ___False
Photo matched the person (as opposed to the bait and switch photo- hey that’s you ten years ago)  ___True      ___False
Don’t like age of kids ___ True  ___False
Too pushy ___True      ___False
Communication issues ie Indirect communication/Direct communication
 (be specific)      
 
Gender differences got in the way ___True      ___False
Too compliant ___True      ___False      He always did what I wanted to do.
Too messy or too clean ___True      ___False
Too friendly  ___True      ___False
Too forward, moved too fast (for example)  ___True      ___False
Too passive, didn’t make the first move   ___True      ___False (please explain)
Easy going
Uptight
My friends would not approve or like my date
My parents would not approve
Too formal
Waited too long to kiss me
Did not contact early enough in the week for me to have the day free ___True      ___False
Too spontaneous  ___True      ___False
I assumed too much and did not clarify with him ___True      ___False
I expect way too much from a date (it is unrealistic that I will ever get all those qualities in one human being, but I would keep trying) ___True      ___False
I felt rejected by certain behavior (be specific)  ___True      ___False
Didn’t pay enough attention to me  ___True      ___False
Wanted too much attention from me (for example, men only want sex) ___True      ___False
Mixed messages ___True      ___False
An event happened that triggered me- nothing to do with person ___True      ___False
Sense of humor did not line up ___True      ___False
Creative dates were offered ___True      ___False
Appropriate level of affection for how well we know each other ___True      ___False
Flexibility with talking on phone vs text vs in person ___True      ___False
Not enough time to date each week ___True      ___False
Just stopped communication (ghosting) ___True      ___False
Too focused on sex ___True      ___False
Not enough flirting ___True      ___False
It would not work until we really knew each other well and were able to hang out more, including kids ___True      ___False
Too “out there” with belief system ___True      ___False
Too stingy ___True      ___False
Attended to me ___True      ___False
Not enough teasing or banter ___True      ___False
Trying too hard to impress ___True      ___False
Not trying hard enough (be specific)  ___True      ___False
Bragging ___True      ___False
Able to Emotionally connect ___True      ___False
Bad job and potential for future ___True      ___False
Talked about ex too much ___True      ___False
Family is too messed up ___True      ___False
Intimacy issues ___True      ___False (Be specific)
Good listener ___True      ___False
Responsive texter ___True      ___False
Would be a good friend (consider listing the qualities of a friend that jumped out at you) ___True      ___False
On line dating just isn’t the right thing because we couldn’t get to know one another well enough ___True      ___False
I don’t like having to pursue him, I want him to do the work of pursuing  ___True      ___False
This did not work for me because (the deal breaker was )
 

 
This area is a dealbreaker for me with anyone I have dated
 
Questions not asked on this survey that should be asked:
1
 
2
 
3
 
What I really liked about this situation and person:
1
 
2
 
3
 
What I thought were the top 3 areas of improvement (what I would change about you if I could):
1
 
2
 
3
 
Lessons about myself from this dating process:
1
 
2
 
3
 
 
          
          Deal breakers:
Mental illness 
Addiction
Not a cuddler 
Rude behavior 
Cheating 
Dishonesty
Male bashing 
Assuming my motivation without asking 
Able and willing to do my love language 
Not available for getting together at the time I can 
Not able /willing to look inside self
Not able to take responsibility for own issues 
Not having my back
Different vision/goals
 
            Difficult:
Political party differences 
Inability to listen
Stop talking without processing 
Want to change me
Defensive 
Blaming
Smug/superior 
Emotionally reactive
Overly critical 
Bad kisser 
No sex drive 
Reluctantly sexual
"I hate sex"
"I hate men"
Inability to learn how to clarify and validate 
 
If deal breakers then break the deal otherwise say it once and only once
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