When I hurt, I go within and seek to learn the message. What am I to learn from this? The pain is simply the messenger and while I want to be without pain, I want to remove the root of pain, not the message of the pain. The pain functions to get my attention and stop me from being distracted.
I want to be open and receptive and aware. Can you be open to fullness and emptiness or do you have a block?
If you are in touch with feelings, can feel them and sit with them until they have finished the lesson of what you are to learn, you gain so much. You get more pain as well as pleasure, wonderful guidance from the messengers (feelings).
Can you get in touch with that little child within and send him/her a message, “I am sorry you’re hurting. Come here and tell me about it while I hold you. Tell me how it felt when it happened and know that right now you are safe. I will hold the space for you to have your own feelings. I will not fix you or ask you to suck it up. I will keep listening and trying to understand how it was to be you. That is my gift to you, listening to understand and not judge you. You have a right to your perspective and way of feeling.” These messages that you send yourself are very important if you want to heal old wounds you are carrying around from childhood. The wounds can be healed when we listen to them and honor them.
David Deida writes it better than I do-
“Eventually suffering compels you to greater depth. Who you are is the entire depth of being, including the things outside yourself, the “reflected” things. Focus attention through every experience so you can know and feel this depth of openness. Feel through everything to what you pay attention- opening as the depth of being, over and over; practice this and eventually even practice this during your dreams.
“Feel into the space of sensation itself.
“This simultaneous realization of fullness and emptiness liberates bliss from the merely physical into an unconstrained infinitude of openness and depth.
“Sex is only as deeply fulfilling as you’re willing to feel.
“The capacity to feel through the surface into the depths of any moment is learnable. Its strength grows with practice. When you can practice feeling through experience, then you no longer hope for the impossible, that this or that particular experience will fulfill you. Feel through it all, and in doing the very bliss of being dawns overwhelmingly obvious, suffusing all experience.” Deida
Feelings are key to wonderful sex as well as the key to living a deeper life. Speaking of deeper life and wonderful sex- Have you tried doing the exercises on a regular basis (The Art of Sexual Ecstasy by Margo Anand) yet? Are you practicing this particular one 10-20 times before it becomes comfortable during sex? It is time to get the book, and read it, if you have not already done so. Here is an exercise to practice:
The Melting Hug